Thursday, March 12, 2009

Nicholas' Touch

I wrote this poem back in January... it's a "re-post". It's just exactly how I'm feeling today.

Nicholas' Touch

Your soul, it touched my heart today,
Like it has many times before.
It feels so real, just like you’re here
I ache to feel it more.

Your time with us was much too short
But an impact you have made.
Our lives have changed, our views have too
Our memories won’t fade.

You were given to us for a reason too deep
For anyone to understand.
I believe you came into our lives
So we could forever feel your hand.

Sometimes I cry because we lost you
And other times I smile.
Because I know deep in my heart
You’re with us all the while.

I’ll always remember your smell, your touch
Those kicks that made me squirm.
You were so strong and brave my boy
Those feelings again, I yearn.

We forever have an Angel now,
Someone to watch over us.
I guess that makes us the lucky ones
In that I have to trust.

My comfort is that you went without pain
And although I miss you so.
My heart, my life is full of love
For our boy we had to let go.

They say things happen as they should
“Life works out for the best”.
I don’t believe that “they” were forced
To face the ultimate test.

Losing a child at any stage
Tests a mommy’s soul.
The pain, it reaches much too deep
It doesn’t leave her whole.

For part of me went with you,
And part of me will stay.
To be a mommy to your brother’s
There is no other way.

I hold them both much closer now,
For you have taught me how.
To see life as a special gift,
That we should live within the now.

I love you buddy
So much it hurts
And that love will continue to grow.
I must believe that there will be one day
We’ll meet again and know…

Your soul, it touched my heart today,
That I know for sure.
I cherish those times we come so close,
For my heart begins to soar.

Please know, my love
You will always be
Engrained in all we do.
You touched our lives like a precious gift,
That precious gift is you.

Mommy xo
January 2009


Unknown said...

That is amazing. I wish I was that good at writing.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful, Lea. I like to think he knows how much you love and miss him. ((Hugs))

Hope's Mama said...

thank you so much for sharing this.

Julie said...

That is a beautiful poem Lea. Thanks for posting it.

c. said...

Hi Lea,

First let me say how sorry I am that Nicholas was stillborn. It's an awful reality to have to live and I'm sorry you have to know this life at all. He was (is) a beautiful baby. In fact, I saw his picture on Cara's wall of remembrance (not sure what it's really called at the moment) the other day and I was brought to tears. Nicholas, in that picture, reminded me of my own son and upon seeing it, I began to cry.

Feel free to email me privately at hipcath (at) gmail (dot) com. I noticed you are in Ontario and hope that you are able to access some resources in your area. I would love to chat, to hear your story of Nicholas, to see how you are coping with things at this juncture. Please send me an email if you're up for it.

Lastly (and I'm sorry about the marathon comment), thank you for your comment on my own blog. I write much more infrequently now but it fills me with such happiness that people are still learning and reading about Callum.


Unknown said...

I am sorry you are going through this. I REALLY hate it. please know that you are in my prayers. with much love

Brenna said...

What a beautiful poem! Oh, thank you for sharing that--I'm going to print it out. It's really wonderful. Your sons are so lovely--Evan, Kyle and Nicholas--I just LOVE their hair. My sister married a red-headed boy and would love to have a little one with red hair. So far hers are in between, sort of auburn I suppose. I'm so sorry to read about Nicholas. Thank you for visiting my blog today--I think that yes, we're each our own version of "okay".

Carly Marie said...

Beautiful beautiful beautiful x

Heather said...

This was such a lovely poem. It made my cry for my own son. I love the pictures that you posted here to the right. The belly one with the boys' hands is priceless. I am sorry about your little Nicholas. So sorry.

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