Friday, February 12, 2016

Strength and my "Why"

I have been led on a different path the past several months.  A more positive path.  A more productive path.  A more energetic path.  A path that finally feels like 'home'.

My "why" on this new journey has transformed along the way.  It has reshaped many beliefs and  molded new ones.  I have learned so much about myself and continue to strive to live out of my comfort zone.

In analyzing my "why" and the hills and valley's along the way I continue to come back to this; 

I often don't feel like I was very 'strong' when faced with the devastation of Nicholas' death.  I felt numb mostly.  Certainly not strong.  When I look back at the raw days, months and years after saying hello and goodbye in one breath, to one of my own... I didn't feel strong.  I felt broken.  For a long, long time. 

In the journey of grieving Nicholas I feel like I have cultivated strength.  Strength from the many friends and family who have supported us 100% along the way.  Strength from the perfect strangers around the world who remember our boy when they look at their baby's angel wings.  Strength from Nicholas' legacy.....  the strength and perseverance of that little baby boy could not be matched. 

My ‘Why’ ~ Story of Change

In May of 2015 my life and the life of my family was enhanced on so many levels. We decided to embrace a new, simple lifestyle in an effort to put more pure, whole food nutrition into our bodies. The results of adding a variety of over 30 additional fruits, vegetables, grains and berries into our daily routine has been incredible. Not only are we feeling exuberant amounts of energy to get through our normally crazy days, but we are losing excess weight, gaining muscle, experiencing smooth, vibrant skin, etc. etc.…. Most importantly, we are focused on maintaining a lifestyle filled with joy, fun, love, health and fitness!

I immediately fell head over heels with the way we were feeling and started sharing our experience with the people I love and care about most. This is when my ‘why’ transformed. My family is my ‘why’, yes. However, in this journey I have come to realize that my ‘why’ is so much more, so much deeper than I had ever dreamed. This opportunity has allowed me to get my ‘why’ back. I have found me again.

Just over 7 years ago I lost a big part of me when our son, Nicholas, died. For years I have gone through the motions, enjoyed my family and living children, absolutely, but something was always missing… I often felt like I was in a fog, always carried a tremendous amount of guilt and grief. Reaching out, comforting others in similar situations and creating a legacy through Nicholas’ Touch has helped to soothe my soul, but this recent journey into a healthier me/us has helped me to rise up on some many levels.

It has allowed me the confidence to believe in myself again. It has allowed me to strength and the will power to reach for the stars. It has allowed me the chance to touch people’s lives in such a profound way. It has allowed me the opportunity to be a part of such a strong, supportive and loving community of inspiring people. The energy that fills the room when we are all together is phenomenal and infectious. I am so very grateful that this new road found me several months ago….

Onward and upward!

Feeling empowered.