Monday, September 27, 2010

A Butterfly Day

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam. For a brief moment, its glory and beauty belong to our world, but then it flies on again. Although we wish it could have stayed, we feel so lucky to have seen it.
~ Author Unknown

I went to a butterfly release on Saturday. It was beautiful, it was soothing, it was comforting, it was draining. It also was a completely different experience than I had anticipated.

I attended the release with a very special BLM, Linda . Her baby boy's second Angel Day was Sunday so I thought that the Butterfly Release was the perfect opportunity to honour her son.

The morning was cool and cloudy... a typical fall day in Ontario. However, as soon as the ceremony began the clouds broke up and the sun shone down, just in time to warm up our butterflies.

The entire experience was very humbling. I had expected the butterflies to take off as soon as they were released, barely giving us time for pictures. I couldn't have been more wrong.

They were beautiful, magnificent and truly a symbol of comfort and peace as they clung to our hands, flitted quietly in the air around us and landed gracefully on the flowers before they took off again.

We got some really nice shots of "Nicholas" and "Jackson" together.

It was an experience I won't soon forget.

Memorable, just like our babies.

Friday, September 24, 2010

New Idea For The Angel Wings Boutique

Hello Everyone,

I have been thinking of adding another option to The Angel Wings Memorial Boutique and would like your input!

As many of us know there doesn't seem to be a lot on the market in terms of cards, messages or special gifts for those wishing to show their support to grieving parents. Often the supporters grasp for ways to show they care.

For a small donation, I would like to offer simple messages of love and comfort to accompany a pair of Angel Wings. These messages can be anything from offering support after an early loss, to sending words of compassion as a loved one celebrates the first, second, third year anniversary of their child's passing. I expect to add and alter categories as I am contacted.

I envision a "scrapbook style" note that can either be attached to a pair of wings or just simply slipped in the envelope as a message of love.

I value all of your opinions and support so much. Any ideas, suggestions or words of wisdom would be appreciated!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

This Year

In the past few weeks I have been asked on different occasions how I am feeling as Nicholas' 2nd Angel Day approaches.

"Are you feeling better than last year?"

"Is the pain still as intense?"

I have struggled with the answer to these questions. My initial reaction is that I don't know. I find it very difficult to quantify what I am feeling most days. My heart tells me one thing and my brain tells me the opposite. Just when I think I am calm and enjoying everything that is a miracle in our life, something triggers a memory and I am catapulted back to our darkest, most horrifying memories of losing our son.

There are days when I can honestly say that I am not feeling quite as anxious this year. I am not feeling quite as sad. I am not feeling quite as overwhelmed. I have settled. My heart feels some peace alongside the ache. My faith is beginning to rise again. The joy is comfortably mingling with the grief.

Don't get me wrong, I do feel these things, actually, I feel a million and one different things when it comes to this journey on a daily basis, I just feel them differently this year. I now know (from last years experience) that the anticipation of the day is much more traumatic than the day itself. I know (from last years experience) that we want to mark Nicholas' day by doing something special for him and other Angels because that is what makes my heart feel good. I know (from last years experience) that we want to keep busy. We need a plan. We want to remember and love Nicholas, but we want to be busy and focus on doing something positive to honour him and what he means to our family. I also know that my tummy does flip flops just trying to fathom the fact that it has almost been two years since we held our precious boy.

We have healed tremendously from those early months. Our family is strong. Our love is good. We are blessed beyond belief.

This journey we are on is beyond treacherous. It is cyclical. It is linear. It is bumpy and it is smooth. It is most definitely painful and scarring, but, I dare say that sooner or later there is a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Light that only you can touch. Light that often only you can see. Reach for it and remember that it's there when those bad days arise. Remember that it will shine again, when you are ready.

Two years later I definitely have had some radiant light shine on my life. I truly believe that Nicholas has been an integral part of that. He is a huge source of strength for me, for us. He will guide us through the next few weeks with as much ease and grace as possible.

I count on it.


This poem just came in on one of my Bereavement Newsletters ~ pretty profound.

We are connected,
My child and I,
By an invisible cord,
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen
By any on earth.

This cord does its work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised.. I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take away!

Author unknown

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The "7th"

Happy "7th" of the month, buddy.

22 months without you in our arms.

22 months with you in our hearts.

We love you more every day.

Thank you to Emmy at Everything's Coming Up Daisies for inspiring Nicholas' Touch new look. How perfect is it for our little Ladybug...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Thinking of you....

Wherever you go and whatever you do
My spirit is here and it stays close to you
i know you can't see me
but know I am safe
As i play with the angels in beauty and grace

A Little boy
A special friend
A little fighter
Right to the end.
Gone from our lives
But not from our hearts
We'll keep you there always
Like we have from the start.

To My Mother

I see you each time you shed a tear,
I catch it and kiss you, I hope that you know that I'm near.
This place is so beautiful, There's so much to see!
I know that someday you'll be here with me.
The angels were singing when I arrived!
Jesus was there with His arms open wide!
The snow and the rain are just my confetti.
I know you'll be coming and I want to be ready.
When you feel the wind, it's me walking by.
I can run and skip now, I can even fly!
When the blossoms and leaves fall into your hair,
It's me planting kisses, yes, I put them there!
The birds are singing to keep you company,
They're especially for you with love from me.
I know that you miss me and feel so alone,
Until the great day when you finally come home
Please remember as the seasons change from one to another,
I'll always love you. You're my friend and my mother.

Dawn Mitchell 1998

"Little Angels"

When God calls little children to dwell with Him above
We mortals sometime question the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with, the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world, seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to his fold.
So He picks a rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them, and so He takes but few
To make the land of Heaven more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult, still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind knows will always be "Goodbye"
So when a little child departs, we who are left behind,
Must realize God loves children
"Angels are hard to find".

"I know I'll see the sun shine bright
upon my baby's face....
When I finally get to heaven,
all my pain will be erased.

We'll soar the skies together,
as angels two by two.
We'll have a sweet reunion,
this mother's dream come true!"

I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky.

I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.

She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.

Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried.

So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way.

They Say There is a Reason

They say there is a reason,
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor reason,
Will change the way I feel,
For no-one knows the heartache,
That lies behind our smiles,
No-one knows how many times,
We have broken down and cried,
We want to tell you something,
So there won't be any doubt,
You're so wonderful to think of,
But so hard to be without.