Monday, November 28, 2011


Remembering our Blossom... a year ago today/tomorrow.


Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Tough November

This week has been tough. No, let's be honest, this entire month has been full of ups and downs. I suppose November will always be a month of emotional craziness... Nicholas' Angel Day was so positive.. so full of love and remembrance. We honoured our little guy the best way we could from afar and this year, instead of sadness and longing taking over, my heart swelled with pride and peace as we gathered with friends and family to remember our son. He was here. He matters. He is loved. This is all I have wanted.... for Nicholas and his life to be acknowledged. For his short yet impactful life to be celebrated and respected.

And then it's done. The planning... the scheduling... the preparing and creating. It's done and I am left with the negative thoughts.. the memories I am terrified of remembering, but also so scared of forgetting.

This time last year we learned we were expecting again. A very big surprise for us. Unexpected, but accepted all the same. A new little blessing to join our family. A new love. A new miracle. Until we miscarried.... and our world was rocked, once again. Catapulted back to when we learned of Nicholas' devastating fate... forced to face the fear and the pain all over again.

I feel as though my hormones and my emotions are at war. I feel like my body and my soul are running in opposite directions and I am struggling to keep them together.

I know... this too shall pass and I have so many beautifully amazing days to look forward to. Our oldest son turns 8 in a couple of weeks and we are so incredibly proud of the strong, sensible (most of the time) young boy he has become. Little Miss Madison's 2nd Birthday is just around the corner and I have started to plan some surprises for her. We are expecting a new little boy to our family just before Christmas. My brother and SIL will welcome their son very shortly and I am both overjoyed and a little bit frightened.... We'll fit Christmas in somewhere along the way.... I am excited and anxious to watch the little one's explore. I have been asked to speak at a Tree Lighting Memorial Service in early December and have feverishly been working on a 20 minute speech... which makes my heart beat faster at the thought.

~ sigh ~

We'll get there... we always do... by the grace of love, healing and the wonderful support of friends and family... we remember... we honour... we love... and we live.


Monday, November 14, 2011

Nicholas' 3rd Angel Day ~ Race and Remembrance ~ A story in photos

Nicholas' 3rd Angel Day was emotional, fabulous, overwhelming, magical, humbling and joyous.... A beautiful mess of contradictions, much like our lives now.... a delicate balance of happy and sad... of grateful and hurt...of peace and disdain.

We were blessed. Blessed with fantastic, sunshiney weather.. blessed with an abundance of friends and family showing love and support in the name of our son. Blessed with remembrance and comfort as we celebrated Nicholas and what his life means to us.

We were also blessed to have a great friend take some perfect photos of our day.

Below tells our story:

Lovely, spirited, Evan delivering bubbles to the kids

Daddy to Evan, Kyle, Nicholas and Miss Madison

Our beautiful, sensitive soul... Kyle

Nana, Daddy and Papa

Daddy and Papa

Uncle D, Papa and Auntie Jess

Mommy "trying" to express thanks

The kid participants

Mommy, Kyle and Madison

Auntie Jen

The balloon release ~ I read "On The Night You Were Born" before the release


Thursday, November 10, 2011

Personal Letter - Included in Comfort Boxes

The following is the letter that I included in the Comfort Boxes

"I would rather have had one breath of his hair..
one kiss of his mouth..
one touch of his hand..
than an eternity without it.."

Dear Friend,

On November 7, 2008, our youngest son, Nicholas, was born peacefully sound asleep at 35 weeks gestation. In that moment our lives changed dramatically. We were blindsided. Our world stopped and we found ourselves walking a path saturated with immeasurable grief, desolation and uncontrollable sadness… a journey we never thought we would have to face.

The past three years have been intense, unpredictable and full of unimaginable grief, but they have also been filled with hope, inspiration and an incredible amount of healing. Although it is painful to not have Nicholas here with us, his spirit and his legacy have infused our family with indomitable strength and infinite love over the past 3 years. We remember him often, we honour him daily, we love him unconditionally. He is forever a part of our hearts and our souls.

It is because Nicholas has touched our lives so deeply that we were compelled to put something together to help other parents who are forced to face such a horrific loss. It is our hope that you may find comfort, love, understanding and eventual peace and healing within these special boxes. When we are forced to face the unimaginable ~ the loss of our babies ~ often tangible memories such as pictures, hand/footprints, blankets to take home… aren’t considered until it is too late. We hope that our packages can offer comforting options to help you memorialize your baby.

My friend, my heart breaks that you find yourself on this journey, one where I have walked and wept. Please be gentle on yourself. Accept support. Talk. Remember. Feel. Love.

I write in hope that knowing others have walked through this anguish gives you hope. Please know that you are not alone in what often feels like a very lonely journey. I hope that you can feel my arms around you as I weep with you.

Sending much love and strength to you and your family & remembering your son/daughter with you,

Leanna Reeves ~ Mommy to Nicholas

Monday, November 7, 2011

Dear Nicholas - Happy 3!

Hey Buddy ~ Happy Birthday!!

I have so much to say.. so much to update.

Your walk on Saturday was magical. Mommy and Daddy were blown away by the turn out of family and friends to share in such a special day and to remember and honour you. Our hearts could not have been any fuller as people continued to mingle down the hill to the gazebo... The sea of everyone dressed in red will be etched in my mind forever... I look forward to sharing pictures.. just have to sift through them..

I visited the hospital today and delivered some of the Comfort Boxes that we have been working so hard on. What a memorable visit... More to come on that too.

Today, my boy... my heart swells with love and it aches with sadness. Such as our life these days... a pure mixture of joy and grief. Your tiny, beautiful life has touched so many... makes mommy so proud of you.

I leave you with this today, my love:

Dear Nicholas,

Three years ago you flew up high
To play amongst the clouds.
We can’t believe it’s been that long,
Your life embraces us all.

Nicholas, my sweet boy,
We miss you more and more.
We dream of you, we speak your name,
As you continue to soar.

November 7th is here again
My heart feels so much pain.
You had the power to touch us all,
Our lives are not the same.

We’ll sing a song, we’ll eat some cake,
We’ll light your candle again.
We’ll honour you, we’ll remember you,
In sunshine and in rain.

For today we sing up to the sky,
And hope that you join in.
Each note, each breath is just for you,
Each smile, each tear is too…

You burn within our hearts, my son,
You have helped us do so much.
Happy Birthday…We Love You,
Thank you for your touch.

Mommy xx
November 7, 2008