Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Some news...

So....... we have some news to share.

We are expecting again. I am 14 weeks along in this new journey.

I knew that I was going to have to (and want to) announce this new pregnancy to all of you, but, believe me, I have struggled with when and how. I am so afraid of losing some of my trusted and loyal supporters. I do understand however, that it may be too difficult for some of you to continue following my story. I will be sad to see you go, but I will not blame you for protecting yourselves - that's all we can do.

Nicholas' Touch is dedicated to Nicholas, his memory and the road we are traveling as we struggle to live life without him. I promise you that it will stay that way. I will not be documenting this new pregnancy on Nicholas' Touch, rather, I am thinking of creating another blog to honor this new life (will keep you posted).

Needless to say, we are extremely terrified..... but also very hopeful. Adding to our family has always been in the plan for us. After we lost Nicholas having another baby was the absolute last thing on our minds. I don't know how many times I have said "how can we do this again?" which was always followed by "how can we not?" We feel we have so much more love to give and are truly content with our decision to bring a new baby brother or sister home for Evan, Kyle and Nicholas.

And so we have been miraculously blessed again. I think it was Inanna who alluded to a Rainbow Baby being like the rainbow after the storm. That analogy has stuck with me, not because Nicholas was a "storm", but because our life since losing him has definitely compared to a horrific storm. I am just now starting to see some colour in our world again... rainbow colours.

I can literally feel Nicholas' love surround us as we embark on this new adventure, a continuation of our life long journey without him here with us. It's going to be a tough, emotional road, but I am confident that with Nicholas' guidance we will all make it.... and smile again.

Thank you all for understanding. I sincerely hope not to offend or upset anyone.

I leave you with this poem tonight. I found it quite a while ago on my travels....

A Different Child

A different child,
People notice.

There's a special glow around you.
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;

Only look at the pride and joy
in your mother and father's eyes.

And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.

You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.

That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.

May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth

One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.

When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again."

-Author Unknown


Heather said...

Congratulations! That is wonderful news! I wish you all the best in your new journey. The poem gave me chills. I'd love it if you came to add your name to the "Blogs from a Pregnany Mommy's Perspective" directory on http://thedeadbabyclub.blogspot.com

Devon said...

congrats! its definently a difficult road to walk but also a new blessing....praying for you as you navigate this new part of your journey.

Paige said...

Congrats Lea! That's amazing news and I'm so happy for you;) xo

Courtney said...

Congrats my friend.

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...


Anonymous said...

Congratulations, Lea!

Shanti Mama said...

AHHHHH!!! Congrats! So excited for you. Can't wait to follow the other blog ;-). Much love to you.

Jus and Kat said...

Congratulations Lea, that's amazing news! I'll be sending thoughts and prayers your way.


alliecat said...

Oh! Congratulations Lea, I am so happy for you all, what wonderful news. My prayers are with you through this new journey, take care of yourself.

Never forgetting Gregory said...

Congratulations! I am so incredibly happy for you. Being pregnant again is so absolutely difficult and almost makes the mourning much more real for our sweet babies, but will be worth it. I'm here for you ever anxious step of the way!

margaret said...

Lea, that's fabulous news. I would NEVER quit your blog because you are pregnant again btw, and I hope your pregnancy is blessed with good health and anticipation of the wonderful new addition to your family. Sending you hugs...

Mirne said...

Congratulations -- I am wishing you an uneventful and very sticky pregnancy.

Your poem brought tears to my eyes.

Catherine W said...

I am so very happy for you and your family Lea. This is wonderful news.

That is such a beautiful poem. It made me cry.

I'm glad you can feel Nicholas' love surrounding you as he waits for his new little brother or sister.

Anonymous said...

That is tremendous news! And I am only speaking for myself, but seeing other babylost mamas becoming pregnant again is an inspiration to me-it helps me feel somehow that it might be me someday. You are and will be in my thoughts and prayers throughout this journey.

still life angie said...

oh, Lea, congratulations. What incredible news. Can't wait to read your pregnancy blog and follow along on your journey. Sending love and grounding.

Jen said...

Congratulations!!! What great news!

I also started a new blog for our Rainbow baby because I wanted to keep Lily's blog just for her...

I can't wait to read about your journey and I pray that this pregnancy ends safely with your beautiful SCREAMING baby being placed in your arms...

Unknown said...

Congratulations! I am so excited for you!

Barbara said...

Congratulations Lea what wonderful news!

I am so very pleased for you, and won't be going anywhere!


Rachael said...

Lea, so pleased for you! It is wonderful news, it really is.

I'll be here.


Hope's Mama said...

Fabulous news! Welcome to this crazy, scary part of this babyloss journey. Ultimately I hope we both get the ultimate reward from this.
And thanks also for the poem. It was simply beautiful.

Emmy said...


Okay, now I'm going back to finish the rest of the post. :)

Emmy said...

I totally hope someday that I can "borrow" that poem. How incredibly sweet. Congratulations, Lea. Many prayers for your rainbow baby, a wonderful pregnancy, and a healthy, happy delivery.

As a personal reflections, after having struggled and accepted infertility for years, I had a hard time talking to my friends about being pregnant with Leila. I seemed to have this collection of friends who went or were going through the same infertility issues. There was a lot of jealousy going around when I announced my pregnancy. We ARE going to get pregnant again, God has given me His promise. And I certainly hope that all those jealous people look at me and say, "you deserve this, after what you lost, and I'm going to be happy for you."

So Lea, YOU DESERVE THIS, after losing that precious little boy. And I, for one, am going to be ecstatic for you! In fact, I may have to cajole your address out of you so I can send little gifts and such. :)

My heart is singing for you.....

Anna said...

Congrats! We are not very far apart on this rainbow baby journey...

Lindsay said...

I really am happy for you! You certainly will not be losing me as a reader.
I'll be praying that everything will go well for you and this new little one. I'm sure Nicholas is near...
So much love to you Lea,

Bluebird said...

Oh YAY! I am so excited for you, dear friend - tears of joy right now!

And please, speaking for myself only, but please feel free to write and update here. This is your space and we, your friends, are anxious to follow along in your journey.

I couldn't be happier for you.

Heather said...

That is truly wonderful news. You deserve this rainbow baby.

Carly said...

Congrats Lea! I'll be thinking of you.

Mary said...

Lea, that is such great news!

I was speaking to another angel mom. We both agreed that it was good to hear the news of angel mommies getting pregnant after a loss. I too am given hope by you. I will definitely follow you on your journey towards bringing home a healthy baby. May the good Lord continue to bless you.

Bree said...

Oh Lea, i'm busting at the seams with joy for you and your family! Congratulations! I want to be able to follow your rainbow baby's story. Please let us know if you decide to start a new blog. Love and hugs to you!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

This is wonderful news. May God bless you and the new baby growing inside of you.

Inanna said...

Oh yay yay YAY YAYYYYY!!!! Is it wrong of me to wish for another little redhead for you? :) I'm so happy... 14 weeks! W00T!!

Lea said...

You are all sooooooo wonderful. I am smiling right now with tears of appreciation and love in my eyes.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you all for being so wonderful.

Unknown said...

Congrats to you guys lea. Seems as though everyone is getting their rainbow baby.

Unknown said...

Congratulations Lea . That is wonderful news.I wish you all the very best through this new journey in your life I too am pregnant since loosing Michael and started a new blog for my new journey but still kept coming back to Michaels blog....The story for me became too hard to seperate so now im really back to one. I am now 21 weeks

Erica Rinella said...

Oh my gosh!! Big hugs and many congratulations!!!! I am sending good thoughts to you and your growing family :)

Sarah said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you!

Lisa and Jonathan said...

Lea, Congrats! I'm happy for you!

Fireflyforever said...

Oh Lea,

I'm doing my best happy dance for you. CONGRATULATIONS. Wishing you a very safe and healthy and straightforward, rest of pregnancy - and, of course, beyond. A New Year or just after baby? Is that about right?

Looking forward to travelling this bit of the crazy baby loss journey with you. I LOVE that poem. I remember reading it quite soon after Emma died. Just beautiful.


Lesley said...

I am so happy for you Lea! I know this rainbow journey will be difficult at times, please know that we are all here to support you.

thank you so much for the poem in this post. You have given me hope. and hopefully soon I will be able to have a rainbow journey of my own.

hugs to you and your little sweet pea

T said...

Congratulations!!!! This news gives me tremendous hope - wishing you a very healthy pregnancy and sending prayers for your whole family.

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