Wednesday, April 14, 2010

A baby boy

So, my brother and his wife had a baby last Friday.

A healthy, beautiful, baby.

A boy.

My feelings are so mixed... so full of emotion right now.

I am thankful that this baby has come into our world, happy, healthy... and alive. I am grateful that I have another nephew to love on.. to watch grow up.

I am just so incredibly anxious thinking about seeing, possibly holding him. Is that crazy? All of the newborns I have been around since losing Nicholas seem to have been girls and for some reason, that one something different, makes all the difference.

**Sigh** I thought this was supposed to get easier. I miss you, baby boy.



Angela said...

I agree with you, it is so much harder to find out someone is having a girl than a boy for me after losing Ella. If it's a girl, somehow that is just not "okay" with me. Praying it is easy on you. Hugs.

Michelle said...

I was the same way when my stepsister had her son only 6 months after Blake passed away. I was happy for her and her family, but yet so sad.

Jaime said...

I totally get it, Lea... one of my bffs had a boy in early December and it was difficult to see him however every single baby born to a friend since then (6 to be exact) have been girls!

I don't know that it ever gets easier, we just learn to cope/adapt/hide our feelings better!

On a high note, congratulations Auntie!


Cristin said...

Oh Lea I feel you. I have a friend who had a new baby boy just a couple months ago and I am sooo happy for her. But I do not think I can hold him. I struggle to even coo at him. Truthfully, I had a b*tch of a time even going to her house to meet him. His very presence makes me think of my boy, what should have been, what could have been. It makes me miss him madly. I am hopeful these feelings will pass as he gets a bit bigger and older, or if/when I have my own rainbow baby.
So if you're crazy..........I'm here with you in crazyville.

Hope's Mama said...

I am the same with baby girls (not yours though!) And my sister is due to have her first (a girl) next week. It has been hard for me, but I just have to deal with it, as she's coming.
Thinking of your boy Nicholas.

Courtney said...

It's so incredibly hard Lea. I have only held one little boy since losing our boys. It was so hard.

Thinking of you

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

Two of my close friends are pregnant and I hoped so so much that they would have boys so I didn't have to be around girls. It hurts too much. It's more of a reminder of what I'm missing. Thankfully they are having boys ;) Praying for peace for you <3

Lisette said...

Oh I can totally relate. My niece is only 10 days older than Sami. I thank God my brother has been really understanding of my feelings and it wasn't until earlier this week that I was actually able to hold her for the first time, it's almost 6 months! It was very emotional but I am gald I did it and got that weight of my shoulders. I feel better now and I don't feel like I had to keep avoiding her. I hope you are able to hold your newphew, if you can't, it's ok! I am sure your brother will understand. It doesn't matter how long it's been, it is so hard and emotional. ((HUGS))

Nan & Mike said...

There is no avoiding these feelings, Im so sorry. It just brings up so many what ifs and sad feelings. You are not crazy. Hugs.

Monique said...

Hi Lea - just thought I'd drop in and say hello and let you know I miss Nicholas along with you. xo

Carly said...

Lea, definitely NOT crazy. It is so hard, there are no words to describe how to go through times like those, it's tough. I have those feelings too. It is not that we don't want others to have their baby, it is just that we want our baby too. Thinking of you. Love, Carly

Anonymous said...

I think there will always be a yearning to have our babies. We can handle situations better, but I don't think we ever stop missing our babies. *hugs*

Unknown said...

I'm sure it will be difficult meeting and holding him. ♥

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