Thursday, December 16, 2010



Just, wow.

The response I have received with regards to making this space private continues to be overwhelming. I am honoured and humbled by the fact that Nicholas' precious, little life has touched so many. That by sharing our stories of heartache as well as our blessings of hope we have comforted some of the hearts of other grieving families.

It is what makes this unbearable journey of missing our son, a little more bearable. A little more peaceful. It makes the burden of grief a little lighter...

I am going to "re-think" making Nicholas' Touch private. There are a few reasons I had chosen to go this route, however, I am feeling more and more that the opportunity to reach out and help others who are experiencing the death of a child trumps any other reasons I may have... one of which is the need to protect my heart. The desire to protect my family from disrespect and judgement. But, you know what... we can handle it. We can pretty much handle anything after the things we have been through. If Nicholas' Touch can offer some support to others while helping me heal... that is the way I want it.

Nicholas' Touch is raw and honest. I speak from my heart and I am proud of it. I am proud of Nicholas. I document my feelings on this journey because I don't want to forget.

I use this space to honour our son. To allow his legacy to soar. To share our story in hopes of making someone else' a little easier to bare. To maybe help someone else realize that they are not alone. That their feelings of despair, anger, hatred, love, gratitude, horror, jealousy, anticipation..... that they are all real and all very natural in the process of healing. That there is some hope. That there is a glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Thank you all so much for your interest and for your support. Thank you for reminding me why I am thankful to have you all in my life....and why this platform is so important for reaching out to "our" community.

Oh, and stay tuned.



Bree said...

You are a wonderfully strong woman and I look up to you. I love the way you honor Nicholas. And, you're right. Your story, his story touches many. Will be supporting you whatever you decide to do. I actually came here this morning to look for your link to the cards you've been offering. I have a friend who just shared with me that she's had 2 miscarriages since the summer. xo <3

Jen said...

The same reasons that you gave are the reasons that I left Lily's blog as public. Our blogs really do help the new moms that enter our community! You're unbelievable source of support and advice...but, you have to do what you feel comfortable with ((hugs))

Jill said...

Nicholas has touched me in so many ways and I love how you use your words. Your are honest and speak from the heart.

margaret said...

Lea, Nicholas and you have touched my life more than you will ever know. I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that our boys soar together in the heavens. Whatever reasons or feelings you have that were making you think of making your blog private, please know that I am only one of the many, many people who have connected with you and Nicholas through here and that being a part of your healing journey has helped me grow within my own grieving process...I love you Lea, I hope whatever made you consider going private was a fleeting moment and that you keep your blog open for other mothers who are just beginning their journeys so that they know there are others who have carved out the path ahead, willing to reach a hand back to help. xo

Andrea said...

Sweetest Leah,

I pray you keep this blog open, as I can not even begin to tell you how thankful I am for the kindness you have shown to me. I come here and read "with" you and I share your precious boy with you, as do so many others who love both of you. Through Nicholas, you help to heal the hearts of others and that is a true blessing of the soul.

Whatever your decision, we support you and we will continue to love you throughout the grief walk.

Much Love

Alissa said...

Thank you for sharing your story, Lea. ((hugs))

MEK said...

I have thought about making my blog private, but I think of all the people Kenner has touched and will continue to touch. I am so glad I found your blog when I did. You and I have gone through this journey side by side and love that I have someone to be there for me as I am for you! Much love to you and your family.<3

Michele said...

So glad you are here! I tried to comment on your last post and it wouldnt let me in- I was so sad!!!

Aby said...

Very excited to see it public again. Your blog helped me so much during the darkest days of our journey, and it continues to do so.

Fireflyforever said...

Lea, I haven't been following any of my blogs recently - just had a step away moment. So, I didn't know about sweet little Blossom - I'm so very sorry.

You write about Nicholas so beautifully and you honour him so profoundly with your words.

Unknown said...

You've helped so many and I know you will continue to inspire and guide those on this journey. There will always be judgmental trolls but we are all better than them!!!

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