Our Story

When we decided to send Madison to the Special Care Nursery a few hours after she was born it was a tough pill to swallow. I remember staying awake with her all night, listening to her laboured breathing and trying desperately to clear the mucous from her chest. I held her close, skin to skin as the nurses suggested. I tried feverishly to nurse her, thinking that would help clear her passageways. She slept on my chest while I thanked God over and over for our true, true miracle.

In the early morning the nurse gave me the option of taking her to the Special Care Nursery for observation. As terrified as I was for her to leave me I quickly realized that it was the best thing for her. Our first son was in the Special Care Nursery at the same hospital, so I was familiar.

The nurse took her from my arms and took her down the hall... the silence in my room was deafening. The rational part of me knew where she was going. I knew that they would look after her. That they would call for me as soon as they needed me, but as I faded into an utterly exhausted state of sleep I was constantly thrusted awake by nightmares... Nightmares of the "quiet room". Nightmares of when we said our last goodbye to Nicholas before the nurse took him from our room... to the "quiet room". My mind, my heart was definitely playing tricks on me.

Because of the H1N1 outbreak the NICU was under strict orders not to allow children in under the age of 10... including siblings. Our boys were devastated, especially our 3 1/2 year old who didn't quite understand. I am certain that, in his mind, he couldn't see his new baby sister the same way he can't see Nicholas. As if my heart can break into any more pieces... that did it. He was hysterical. So, I decided to share our story with the Special Care nurse. She pulled some strings and K was able to come in for a couple of minutes. The look on his face was priceless and much needed by everyone.