Tuesday, January 5, 2010

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR BEREAVED PARENTS

A very good friend of mine forwarded this to me recently... thought I would share.

Sometimes we all need a few reminders that we are not going crazy!

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS FOR BEREAVED PARENTS

I Resolve:

That I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and that I will not let others put a time table on my grief.

That I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.

That I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and that I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now."

That I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and that I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.

That I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how I feel.

That I will not blame myself for my child's death, and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done. But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it will pass.

That I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.

That I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and that I won't feel compelled to explain this communion to others or to justify or even discuss it with them.

* I will keep the truth in my heart--the truth that my child is always with me in spirit.

That I will try to eat, sleep, and exercise every day in order to give my body strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.

To know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy, and a sense of vulnerability are all a normal part of the grief process.

To know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time.

To let myself heal and not feel guilty about not feeling better sooner.

To remind myself that the grief process is circuitous--that is, I will not make steady upward progress. And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that "slipping backward" is also a normal part of the mourning process, and that these moods, too, will pass.

To try to be happy about something for some part of every day, knowing that at first, I may have to force myself to think cheerful thoughts so eventually they can become a habit.

That I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me to get over my depression.

That even though my child is dead, I will opt for life, knowing that is what my child would want me to do.

~From the Brooksville/Spring Hill FL. TCF Newsletter

* Added by Faith :)

Love you guys!

L xo

15 comments:

The Blue Sparrow said...

This is such a great list! Thank you for sharing! *HUGS*

Franchesca Cox said...

That is a fabulous list!

Jennifer Ross said...

Me too! Thanks for sharing this great post!

SUSI said...

This is the best New Year's resolution to ever take. So many of the different items on the list are so true and it is a great reminder that what we feel daily (even after a year has passed)is normal - at least normal for a bereaved parent.

I really like the item added by Faith "I will keep the truth in my heart--the truth that my child is always with me in spirit." I will make this my number one because it is so true.

Nan & Mike said...

Amen sister....Im definitely linking this to my next post...thank you! xoxo Love, Nan

margaret said...

I read something very similar that I had stolen from Mary's blog (Nobody Knows it But Me How I'm Missing Lukas) at Calvin's graveside memorial on his angelversary. I think I Resolve says it all perfectly. Thanks for sharing it Lea...Hugs

ter@waaoms said...

Hi there, great list! Do you mind if I copy it to my blog? I am hoping to do more segments about Pregnancy and Infant Losses.

(btw, my blog has moved! see under my profile pic for the new blog url)

Hope all's well with you.

Yaya said...

(((Hugs)))
Be true to yourself and your emotions.

Debbie said...

Thanks for sharing this list, Lea. <3

Just Breathe said...

Very good list. Could I put it up on my For Your Tears Blog. I think it will help so many.

Cristin said...

Lea,
this is a great list and I must say that you are a pro at following this one;

That I will reach out at times and try to help someone else, knowing that helping others will help me to get over my depression.

You have reached out so many times to me, just when I needed it most.

Lea said...

Absolutely - to anyone who would like to post the list! I am glad that is proving to be helpful.

I had a friend on fb say that the list could easily be a "wish list" for 2010... how true.

Love,
L

ter@waaoms said...

" January 6, 2010 4:35 PM
Lea said...

Absolutely - to anyone who would like to post the list! I am glad that is proving to be helpful."

Great thanks!! I will post it on my blog this Saturday.

Jessica said...

This is great!! Thank you for sharing. :)

drmedhus said...

I find your blog both insightful and comforting. My son recently committed suicide and has communicated with us in many ways. This inspired me to write a blog as well: Channeling Erik: Conversations with my Son in the Afterlife. (www.drmedhus.com/channelingerik) It is my hope that, with the help of a talented medium, a book can come of this. The goal would be to, with Erik's help, elucidate and demystify the death process, the nature of the afterlife, the survival of consciousness after death, reincarnation, how thought creates reality, and the quantum physics behind all of it, among other spiritual matters. I hope to help those who are bereaved, those who fear death, and those who are curious to understand the bigger picture. Healing others seems to be important to my own healing process. Please keep up the good work. Your wisdom is sorely needed I a word that years for spirituality and a deeper understanding. xoxo Elisa

Post a Comment