Friday, November 6, 2009

Remembering and Loving you on your Angel Day




My last couple of post have been pretty down. Today isn't a whole lot different. We have passed the time (1:34pm) last year, on Friday, November 7, when Nicholas was born and I am now remembering those invaluable few hours we held him in our arms, smelled his sweet skin, wept and smiled, kissed and cuddled our baby boy.

I feel you, Nicholas. I feel you close, in my heart. I feel you every day, but today more than ever as if you are trying to offer mommy some comfort... peace. We are heading up North tonight, to our 'Heaven on Earth'. I feel like it's the closest we can be to you. A place that has always been a source of warmth and solace. A place where you, no doubt, would be making a million beautiful memories with your brothers.

I am searching for it, desperately. I am searching for peace in my heart, calm in my soul. Thank you, baby boy, for guiding mommy through the sadness, through the grief. Telling me, 'I love you, Mommy. I am with you. I am close. I too, long to be in your arms, but please know that I am even closer, in your heart, where my journey started in the very beginning'.

You have taught us so much, my love.

You have taught us how to love like we have never loved before.

You have taught us the gift of true, unguarded compassion.

You have taught us that we have strength that we never thought we would ever need.

You have taught us to hope. To cherish the simple things. To treasure the moments that may seem unforgettable to others.

I am grateful to feel your magic. The magic of connecting with you. Through sweet, pure signs. The rainbows in the sky, the hearts in our pictures that seem to always find a discreet place, the Angel Wings I make in honour of you...

Thank you, Nicholas.

Thank you for the gift of you.

Thank you for blessing us with your beautiful life.

Thank you for trusting us, your family, to hold you safe in our hearts.

Thank you for joining us on this important journey and thank you for imprinting your life on ours forever.

You are forever our third baby boy. Forever mighty in our hearts and souls.

Love you so much,
Mommy

41 comments:

margaret said...

Remembering Nicholas with you Lea. Hope you find your bit of peace at the cabin. Sending you hugs

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

Thinking of and remembering Nicholas with you today and always. He's seriously one of the cutest baby boys I've ever seen. I'm glad you feel him so close because it's such a sweet feeling. I hope Mackenzie is with Nicholas at his heavenly birthday party!
((hugs))
Ashley

Jill said...

What a sweet post!

Thinking of you and Nicholas.

XX

Catherine W said...

Thinking of you and your family today. Remembering your beautiful Nicholas. xo

Hope's Mama said...

Loving him and missing him with you, Lea.
xo

Bree said...

Lea,
I know Nicholas feels your love too. I'm thinking of you and your family today and sending all my love.

Franchesca Cox said...

Happy Angel Day, Nicholas!

*HUGS* to you, Lea
xoxo

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you, Nicholas, and the rest of your family today. Lots of hugs. This post shows so much peace and grace from you. You are amazing.
xxoo
Christy W
http://almostamother.blogspot.com

Lindsay said...

Remebering Nicholas with you Lea. Such a beautiful tribute to your sweet boy.. xoxoxoxo

Kate said...

Thinking of you and Nicholas. Zoe's candle is burning brightly to remember your sweet, sweet son. xoxo

Jus and Kat said...

Sending warm thoughts your way. Enjoy your your "Heaven on Earth". How lucky to have a place to retreat to that means so much to you!

Remembering sweet Nicholas on his Angel Day,
Kat In Dylan's Memory

Karen said...

Thinking of you, your family, and beautiful Nicholas today. Lots of love to you Lea. (((Hugs)))

lost--for--words said...

Lots of love and strength to you and your family. Remembering Nicholas with you today, and always.

Heather said...

Thinking of you Lea, more so today. I can only imagine how tough this day must be. (((hugs)))

Nan said...

With you in spirit, and thinking of sweet Nicholas, you are a wonderful Mommy and we all love you. I know you will feel his presence with you. Big hugs, Nan xoxoxo

Kristy said...

Happy 1st Birthday and Angelversary Nicholas. You are a perfect baby boy, and are thought of often.

Lots of *hugs* to you Lea, and your family today.

Bluebird said...

Remembering with you.
Crying with you.
Remembering with you.
Thanking with you.

Holding you all in my heart tonight. Wishing you peace at your "Heaven on Earth."

How I wish Nicholas were here with you now.

Courtney said...

We have Logan & Brody's candles burning in honor of sweet Nicholas. Holding your family close to my heart Lea.

*hugs*

Paige said...

Remembering Nicholas and will light a candle for your baby boy tonight. Much love to you and your family, Lea. xo

Emalee said...

Lea, I will be thining of you and your family for the next couple of days. you are in my prayers. I am sure tommorrow will be tough but hang in there and think of the new life you are growing inside you, and your boys who are will always make you smile. Much love

Amy said...

Sending you so much love and many (((((hugs))))) as you remember sweet boy on this special day.

Tracey said...

What a beautiful letter to Nicholas.

Sending you so much love and remembering Nicholas today.

xoxo

Melissa said...

thinking of you.

sending lots of love to you all xxxxx

Jennifer Ross said...

~~tears~~

There are no words that I can say...

I hurt with you...

Mary said...

Remembering Nicholas with you and thinking of you ... Hugs!

Jess said...

Remember your sweet, beautiful Nicholas with you today, and sending you love.

Jess said...

Remembering your sweet, beautiful Nicholas with you today, and sending you love.

Beth said...

thinking of Nicholas today..

Barbara said...

Remembering Nicholas with you and your family Lea and sending so much love and peace your way.

xxx

Rikki said...

Happy Birthday Nicholas.
Thinking of you, your family and especially thinking of nicholas today.
xxx

Angel Sophia's Mommy said...

Thinking of you and your angel on this special day!

alliecat said...

Beautiful post. Remembering you, your boys, your Little Miss Sunshine, dear husband and precious Nicholas today Lea. Hugs to you xox

Emily said...

Happy Angelversary Nicholas!

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

Lea,

Thinking of you and Nicholas today. Such a beautiful message to your beautiful little boy. I'm always struck by just how beautiful he is whenever I come to your blog and see his sweet face.

Peace, my friend.

Angela said...

Hugs to you, I know there is really nothing to say except I am thinking about you and your family.

angela

Yaya said...

Thinking of you...

Lesley said...

Sorry I missed this yesterday, Wishing you a peaceful Angel day Nicholas. So many of us are approaching the one year mark, I can not believe how our sweet angels have brought us all together, to support and love one another. hugs to you Lea!!

Shanti Mama said...

Lea, Thinking of you and Nicholas today. Yes, I'm sure Little One and Nicholas were together today.

Cristin said...

Lea,

I pray you found the peace you were seeking. I pray you continue to feel the warmth of Nicholas. You are am amazingly giving loving woman, and your angel boy knows this and is proud. I just know it.

Holly said...

Sending you ((hugs)) and thinking of you.

Tina said...

Oh Lea, I know this is late, but I want you to know that I was thinking of you, your family, and Nicholas on his special day. It sounds like you found a wonderful way to honor his spirit. xx

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