Friday, November 6, 2009
My last couple of post have been pretty down. Today isn't a whole lot different. We have passed the time (1:34pm) last year, on Friday, November 7, when Nicholas was born and I am now remembering those invaluable few hours we held him in our arms, smelled his sweet skin, wept and smiled, kissed and cuddled our baby boy.
I feel you, Nicholas. I feel you close, in my heart. I feel you every day, but today more than ever as if you are trying to offer mommy some comfort... peace. We are heading up North tonight, to our 'Heaven on Earth'. I feel like it's the closest we can be to you. A place that has always been a source of warmth and solace. A place where you, no doubt, would be making a million beautiful memories with your brothers.
I am searching for it, desperately. I am searching for peace in my heart, calm in my soul. Thank you, baby boy, for guiding mommy through the sadness, through the grief. Telling me, 'I love you, Mommy. I am with you. I am close. I too, long to be in your arms, but please know that I am even closer, in your heart, where my journey started in the very beginning'.
You have taught us so much, my love.
You have taught us how to love like we have never loved before.
You have taught us the gift of true, unguarded compassion.
You have taught us that we have strength that we never thought we would ever need.
You have taught us to hope. To cherish the simple things. To treasure the moments that may seem unforgettable to others.
I am grateful to feel your magic. The magic of connecting with you. Through sweet, pure signs. The rainbows in the sky, the hearts in our pictures that seem to always find a discreet place, the Angel Wings I make in honour of you...
Thank you, Nicholas.
Thank you for the gift of you.
Thank you for blessing us with your beautiful life.
Thank you for trusting us, your family, to hold you safe in our hearts.
Thank you for joining us on this important journey and thank you for imprinting your life on ours forever.
You are forever our third baby boy. Forever mighty in our hearts and souls.
Love you so much,