8 Weeks to Go...

It's been a little while since I wrote about "Little Miss Sunshine". We are so grateful for this new little blessing. So thankful to feel hope again. Hope for the future. Hope for our family.

Nicholas will always be such a strong, special presence in our lives. This new precious soul will not take his place, nor will any type of guilt or pressure be placed upon her because of her brother who died. Rather, her arrival, in just a few short weeks, will bring with it a new beginning...

Little Miss Sunshine will open our hearts again. Make us believe again. Allow us to continue to heal our broken family.

We certainly have found joy and happiness in each other in the past year; in our summer cottage, in the renewed hockey season for the boys, in gymnastics classes and just plain having fun as a family. But I think this new baby will bring a new sense of purpose... a new meaning to 'we must move forward'...

But there is always a scar. There is always the grief that is buried deep inside.

In the early stages of this journey I didn't believe that the feelings of grief, sadness and despair could live side by side with the joy and love in my heart. But, as time has shown, they can. They co-exist in a web of emotions. Sometimes one overtakes the other, but, for the most part, they have settled in... together.. allowing us to put one foot in front of the other, enjoy our boys and their growing up while loving Nicholas deeply in our hearts.

Such strong opposites.... grief and joy.... yet they seem to mingle together so easily when the time is right.

I had an OB appointment today and things look good. Phew. The baby's head is down and we're ready to go... I go for another ultrasound next week to ensure that my placenta has moved up far enough, so I look forward to another sneak peek of our babe.

My husband got the paint done in the baby's room. It looks great. It has been emotional.... rearranging which would have been Nicholas' furniture, painting the walls, clearing out some clothes.... but also a little therapeutic. The door sits open now. And it's a little easier because it's like it's a new room.... just getting used to the idea.