Sunday, November 15, 2009

8 Weeks to Go...

It's been a little while since I wrote about "Little Miss Sunshine". We are so grateful for this new little blessing. So thankful to feel hope again. Hope for the future. Hope for our family.

Nicholas will always be such a strong, special presence in our lives. This new precious soul will not take his place, nor will any type of guilt or pressure be placed upon her because of her brother who died. Rather, her arrival, in just a few short weeks, will bring with it a new beginning...

Little Miss Sunshine will open our hearts again. Make us believe again. Allow us to continue to heal our broken family.

We certainly have found joy and happiness in each other in the past year; in our summer cottage, in the renewed hockey season for the boys, in gymnastics classes and just plain having fun as a family. But I think this new baby will bring a new sense of purpose... a new meaning to 'we must move forward'...

But there is always a scar. There is always the grief that is buried deep inside.

In the early stages of this journey I didn't believe that the feelings of grief, sadness and despair could live side by side with the joy and love in my heart. But, as time has shown, they can. They co-exist in a web of emotions. Sometimes one overtakes the other, but, for the most part, they have settled in... together.. allowing us to put one foot in front of the other, enjoy our boys and their growing up while loving Nicholas deeply in our hearts.

Such strong opposites.... grief and joy.... yet they seem to mingle together so easily when the time is right.

I had an OB appointment today and things look good. Phew. The baby's head is down and we're ready to go... I go for another ultrasound next week to ensure that my placenta has moved up far enough, so I look forward to another sneak peek of our babe.

My husband got the paint done in the baby's room. It looks great. It has been emotional.... rearranging which would have been Nicholas' furniture, painting the walls, clearing out some clothes.... but also a little therapeutic. The door sits open now. And it's a little easier because it's like it's a new room.... just getting used to the idea.

12 comments:

Franchesca Cox said...

I am so excited about your new hope! I can only imagine that as it gets closer, all the emotions intensify. I am so so happy for you.

xo

JenJen said...

I just can't wait until little miss sunshine is here...and to learn her real name :)

Emily said...

We will always wear those shoes. The good news is we get more comfortable in them. So glad your sunshine is thriving and you're getting visits from the ladybug!

margaret said...

Fresh paint, a new life within, new hope. It sounds positive and good and wonderful Lea. I just know Nicholas will be guiding Little Miss Sunshine down to earth the day she is born, holding her hand and whispering words of love for you. Calvin's wings arrived today, his angel day. I can't thank you enough Lea. I stopped by the mail on the way home from the cemetery and there they were. They're lovely and your gesture made such a difference in my day. Hugging you....

croleyc69 said...

I'm so happy for you and I'm praying when the time comes things all go great. I know it's so true that the grief is always there never goes away. I recently had a little girl in april. I was nervous and scared. I had 3 children before I miscarried twice. I was more on edge this past pregnancy but things turned out great and I know my angels in heaven are looking down and can't wait til we are all a family again in heaven.
{{HUGS}} and Prayers
Caroline

angie said...

Wow, eight weeks...holy cow. I never knew the way these divergent emotions could co-exist and yet they do. Sending much love to you and your boys, and of course, Little Miss Sunshine.

Holly said...

No doubt Little Miss Sunshine will bring many new and happy things!!! I am excited for you!!

Missing Kasey said...

I am excited for you! She will bring a little of Nicholas with her when she is born I am sure. Many prayers for you!

Bluebird said...

Oh gosh. The thought of that door standing open made me cry!!! I'm so happy everything looks good, and so excited about what lies ahead for you.

Just Breathe said...

Can't wait to meet her. I'm so happy that things are going so well. God Bless. Rest up, you will be busy soon.

Lindsay said...

I too am excited for you. I love that the door is staying open...xoxox

Kristy said...

I am so excited for this new journey in your life. So excited for renewed hope and happiness. Little Miss Sunshine will NEVER replace Nicholas, she will only renew your strength. Nicholas will be a big brother, amazing. *hugs*

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