The Ladybug

I have often been mesmerized, even envied stories of people who see or feel 'signs' from loved ones that have passed away. I remember reading certain, magical stories about how particular numbers or letters would begin to pop up for no logical reason. Numbers and/or letters that had significance to the love one who had passed. These 'signs' gave the ones left behind comfort, hope, and a reminder that their loved one was never too far away.

I would read these stories..... in magazine aritcles, listen to them on talk shows, cry over them in "Chicken Soup For The Soul"... but, not once, did I ever consider myself one of 'these' people. It wasn't because I didn't believe what these people were recounting was true for them, it was because I never thought that I would be one of those people who would so desperately be looking for comfort in 'signs'.

And then, we lost Nicholas... and I have found myself looking for these 'signs'. Looking for validation and reassurance that our baby boy is close by, watching over us.

There have been one hundred and one different little things that I could attribute to being a sign from our Angel, if I really grasped. However, this past weekend, on Nicholas' Angel Day there was a particular constant that I can't stop thinking about.

On Friday night, my husband, the boys and I headed up North to our "Heaven on Earth". We unpacked, warmed up the cottage, had some dinner, got the kids off to bed and tried to relax in anticipation for what the next day was going to bring. I went to the washroom to wash my face for bed and there on the faucet was a ladybug. Beautiful and red and perfect. I called for my husband to have a look, as finding a ladybug, in the cottage, in the middle on November, in Canada, is extremely unusual. It has always been said that ladybugs are a form of good luck. I took this tiny sign as an omen.... we were going to have a peaceful, sunny day for Nicholas' Angel Day.

The next day I packed a backpack of water bottles, snacks, mitts and hats to take to the race in honour of Nicholas. Once we arrived, I pulled out my water bottle and found a perfect, sweet ladybug clinging to the side of it. He/she stayed either on the water bottle or on my finger for most of the afternoon. My immediate thought was - now EVERYONE is here, celebrating and remembering...





The morning after Nicholas' Angel Day we were packing up to go home from the cottage. My husband and I walked down to Nicholas' stones (as we always do before we leave) and there, on his stones were two ladybugs sunning themselves in the cool morning glow.

I was shocked, moved and delighted all at the same time.

Coincidence? I would like to think that our boy was sending us some kind of message.

A message of love.

A message of comfort.

A 'sign' to let us know that he is always with us.

PS. Our two other boys are now calling ladybugs "Nicholas".