Tuesday, July 14, 2009
So....... we have some news to share.
We are expecting again. I am 14 weeks along in this new journey.
I knew that I was going to have to (and want to) announce this new pregnancy to all of you, but, believe me, I have struggled with when and how. I am so afraid of losing some of my trusted and loyal supporters. I do understand however, that it may be too difficult for some of you to continue following my story. I will be sad to see you go, but I will not blame you for protecting yourselves - that's all we can do.
Nicholas' Touch is dedicated to Nicholas, his memory and the road we are traveling as we struggle to live life without him. I promise you that it will stay that way. I will not be documenting this new pregnancy on Nicholas' Touch, rather, I am thinking of creating another blog to honor this new life (will keep you posted).
Needless to say, we are extremely terrified..... but also very hopeful. Adding to our family has always been in the plan for us. After we lost Nicholas having another baby was the absolute last thing on our minds. I don't know how many times I have said "how can we do this again?" which was always followed by "how can we not?" We feel we have so much more love to give and are truly content with our decision to bring a new baby brother or sister home for Evan, Kyle and Nicholas.
And so we have been miraculously blessed again. I think it was Inanna who alluded to a Rainbow Baby being like the rainbow after the storm. That analogy has stuck with me, not because Nicholas was a "storm", but because our life since losing him has definitely compared to a horrific storm. I am just now starting to see some colour in our world again... rainbow colours.
I can literally feel Nicholas' love surround us as we embark on this new adventure, a continuation of our life long journey without him here with us. It's going to be a tough, emotional road, but I am confident that with Nicholas' guidance we will all make it.... and smile again.
Thank you all for understanding. I sincerely hope not to offend or upset anyone.
I leave you with this poem tonight. I found it quite a while ago on my travels....
A Different Child
A different child,
There's a special glow around you.
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
in your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again."