Tuesday, July 21, 2009

One Year Ago....

One year ago today I was 19 weeks pregnant with our Nicholas.

One year ago today the doctors were prepping me for surgery to remove a large cyst from my ovary.

One year ago today we were terrified that I may die.... as well as our precious boy.

One year ago today I was so sick I didn't know which way was up.

One year ago today I cried and cried on the operating table begging the nurses to save my baby.

One year ago today was (as it turned out) the beginning of the end for our beautiful baby boy.

November 7, 2008 was when I gave birth to Nicholas and my husband and I were lucky enough to hold him and love him for a few unforgettable hours, but when I think back to all of the horrifying events that led to that day I almost always come back to July 22, 2008 - when I fell to the floor in more pain than imaginable, clutching my belly in fierce protection. For 15+ weeks following that incident we thought our baby was just fine. That he was oblivious to all of mommy's pain. We were so grateful for that. Then we were given the devastating blow.... that his brain hadn't formed properly - most likely from the severe and sudden loss of my blood before and after surgery.

I deprived my baby from the necessary blood he needed to survive and thrive....

So, that is why I consider this day, one year ago today, the day our world began to fall apart.

We love you Bella... so much.

Sleep well, Angel.

xo

20 comments:

Monique said...

Thinking of you & Nicholas, Lea. xoxo

angie said...

Oh, Lea, holding you tight as you remember this time last year. Sending you much love and strength. XO

Just Breathe said...

((HUGS)) This is so sad and I am so sorry.
I pray for your comfort.

Hope's Mama said...

Thinking of you and Nicholas. I'm so sorry Lea.
xo

Bree said...

Thinking of you and your angel today, Lea. I had a friend come to your blog and she told me that Nicholas was the most beautiful baby she's ever seen (and she has her own babies!).

JenJen said...

I hate those "dates" that just bring chill to our bones and make our hearts skip a beat. ((hugs))

Courtney said...

Oh my friend my heart is aching with you. *hugs*

Nan and Mike said...

So sorry honey, thinking of you and sending you hugs, Nan xo

Heather said...

Lea, I'm sorry that today is the day. May tomorrow come fast. (((hugs)))

Mommy (You can call me OM) said...

I have no words other than to say that I'm thinking of you, praying for you, and hoping your days bring you more peace than sorrow.

Paige said...

Holding you close and sending love.

Mirne said...

Thinking of you and Nicholas.

margaret said...

Oddly enough, one year ago today, I found out that Calvin had a heart defect at my twenty week scan. You and I had very close due dates Lea, my twins were born on November 10. I'd like to think Nicholas was waiting for Calvin in heaven, that somehow our two boys brought us together to comfort each other. Hugging you

Catherine W said...

Thinking of you and your family today Lea. Remembering your sweet Nicholas. xx

Kate said...

I am thinking of you and Nicolas...dates can be so very difficult. Many hugs your way!!

Emily said...

I wish I could comfort you through this, take away some of your pain. You're in our prayers, sweetie. Loving you....

ezra'smommy said...

Remembering sweet Nicholas with you, today and always.

Lindsay said...

I know it must hurt so much. I'm here comforting you as best I can without being there. I think of you so often..
Love Lindsay

Bluebird said...

It must be so painful to think back like that. I'm so sorry you have to have such memories. . . Thinking of you and sweet Nicholas today. ((Hugs))

Inanna said...

Every time I see his sweet little face, my heart breaks again for you, mama. Remembering and missing him with you today.

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