Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Magnitude of Our Grief

Devon had this excerpt on her blog today. It is from one of her support group meetings. I think it speaks volumes.

xo

"I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world - that your beloved child died. Now imagine that every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. Not a gradual thing but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. Everything you loved now hurts like hell.

A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell. That is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss. You cannot compare it to another loss. With other losses you grieve and you are of course sad but when your child dies...a part of you ceases to exist. It's gone, just like that. No warning. Just gone. And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that make up who you are - are gone!

That is why when parents who have lost children hear, "I want the old you back," "It's been a year, don't you feel better yet?," You are doing this to yourself, you're making it harder on yourself," "Grief can become a selfish thing you know." we can only shake our and heads and feel sadness and hopelessness because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive. No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves. We are just trying to hold on.

Please do not tell me how I should feel or that I am holding on to this or that my family/friends must be tired of watching me go through this because if you haven't lost a beloved child of yours, you haven't got a clue. Now when you hear these word, "The presence of his absence is everywhere" will you finally understand?"

~ The Grief Blog, Louise and Diana

12 comments:

Bluebird said...

I was struck by this, too. It's so true.

Mirne said...

Now when you hear these word, "The presence of his absence is everywhere" will you finally understand?"

This is so true, except people still won't understand.

Fireflyforever said...

Oh. YES. "The presence of [HER] absence is everywhere." Absolutely perfect description.

Catherine W said...

So very true Lea xx

Emily said...

My goodness. Please, oh please tell me that "grief can be a selfish thing" was never something spoken directly to her! Do people actually SAY these things?

Emalee said...

everything is so true in this statement! It does hurt like hell. Its a hurt you really can't explain. Its an ache that wont go away. Its always with you.

Barbara said...

"The presence of his absence..."

Exactly, beautifully put.

xxx

Holly said...

That last line says a lot

Hope's Mama said...

This is exactly it. I want to send this to so many people, Lea. But like Mirne said, I wonder if people will get it then?
Thanks so much for sharing this. It is perfect.

Monique said...

Yes, yes and yes. Hope you're enjoying the lake! xo

margaret said...

Beautifully said, that line alone speaks volumes. Hugging you

Never forgetting Gregory said...

Makes complete sense to me and I agree with every word. I hope you don't have too many people in your life who are expecting you to get over this. It just won't ever happen. Hugs.

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