Sunday, September 27, 2009
I have always said that feeling our babies move, wriggle, even kick me hard in the gut (not to mention on all of my internal scar tissue) is the very most reassuring part of pregnancy. To feel that new life growing and thriving inside of you is the single most miraculous thing about pregnancy. I lay down for a few minutes every day just to consciously connect with Little Miss Sunshine.
Feeling her flutters. Watching her poke at my belly button puts my heart at ease and makes me smile. She is growing, she is healthy.... she is alive.
However, as much as I adore those fabulous kicks and punches I can't help but think back to our time with Nicholas. He was such an active little guy. Always giving me a nudge when I least expected it. I will never, ever, ever forget his last kick before I knew he was gone. It was a real hefty one on the right side of my abdomen and I remember melting, wailing in a voice that didn't seem like my own ... knowing that he was about to slip away... knowing that would be my last memory of my little boy safe inside my womb. It breaks my heart over and over again to remember those last moments. I am catapulted back to that horrendous day each time Little Miss Sunshine gives me the slightest bump on the right side of my abdomen...
Having said that though, I must reiterate how thrilling it is to be growing another little being inside my belly. Every one of our children are true blessings. There is no disputing that. Although our lives have been touched by such a unimaginable tragedy, we are a very lucky family. Lucky to be honoured with each of our boys presence and beyond fortunate to be trusted, once again, with bringing another precious babe into this world.
Posted by Lea at 8:52 PM