Tuesday, August 18, 2009
We got Nicholas' Headstone this past weekend. Wow, what an emotional rollercoaster. I didn't expect that actually seeing it, the finished product, would put me over the edge once again. There haven't been too many days in the past few months where I have felt like I was right back in the hospital room with our beautiful son. This weekend I was in that moment all over again... aching for him to be here with us... longing to feel him again. All in all, my husband and I were just completely drained, but very pleased with the way his Headstone turned out.
We had decided long ago that we wanted Nicholas to be with us at our family cottage. The place where his mommy and daddy me. The place where his mommy and daddy fell in love. The place where his mommy and daddy got married. The place we call 'Heaven on Earth". What better place for a perfect Angel.
We dug out a spacious garden, bought some hearty bushes (to survive our brutal, Canadian winters) and some flowers to brighten it up. Our 5 year old, Evan, made some of his very own Angel Wings for his brother and placed them in the garden too.
We didn't feel quite ready to place Nicholas under his Headstone yet. He still sits preciously and peacefully on the dresser next to where we sleep. I just don't have the strength or the heart to place him in the dark, cold ground... all alone. Stupid, I know, but stupid's all I got right now. For now, we have 2 beautiful stones that fit perfectly with the 'cottage look'. Two stones to represent our son's time with us... how much does that suck.
BTW - sunflowers are Nicholas' mommy's most favourite flower. Only the best for the best.
Love you all.
Posted by Lea at 5:20 PM