Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Nicholas' Headstone



We got Nicholas' Headstone this past weekend. Wow, what an emotional rollercoaster. I didn't expect that actually seeing it, the finished product, would put me over the edge once again. There haven't been too many days in the past few months where I have felt like I was right back in the hospital room with our beautiful son. This weekend I was in that moment all over again... aching for him to be here with us... longing to feel him again. All in all, my husband and I were just completely drained, but very pleased with the way his Headstone turned out.

We had decided long ago that we wanted Nicholas to be with us at our family cottage. The place where his mommy and daddy me. The place where his mommy and daddy fell in love. The place where his mommy and daddy got married. The place we call 'Heaven on Earth". What better place for a perfect Angel.

We dug out a spacious garden, bought some hearty bushes (to survive our brutal, Canadian winters) and some flowers to brighten it up. Our 5 year old, Evan, made some of his very own Angel Wings for his brother and placed them in the garden too.

We didn't feel quite ready to place Nicholas under his Headstone yet. He still sits preciously and peacefully on the dresser next to where we sleep. I just don't have the strength or the heart to place him in the dark, cold ground... all alone. Stupid, I know, but stupid's all I got right now. For now, we have 2 beautiful stones that fit perfectly with the 'cottage look'. Two stones to represent our son's time with us... how much does that suck.

BTW - sunflowers are Nicholas' mommy's most favourite flower. Only the best for the best.

Love you all.


25 comments:

alliecat said...

It's perfect, beautiful. xxx

Rachel said...

It's beautiful. Praying for your strength.

Tina said...

Very beautiful. I don't think it is stupid that you don't want to put him there, I get it. When I think of my girls buried under ground it is heartbreaking to me, but I always know that they are together. xx

Monique said...

It's beautiful, Lea.

Anna said...

Beautiful.

Emily said...

So sweet. :')

Holly said...

Those stones are very beautiful. I don't blame you for not wanting to stick him in the cold ground. I didn't enjoy the thought of Carleigh being all alone in the ground.

Once A Mother said...

beautiful monuments. I understand how you feel about leaving him in the cold, dark. for months after peyton was buried i had trouble sleeping at night knowing she was out in the dark, and cold alone. she passed in october, and when the snow came it felt especially difficult. i have often wished we had her at home with us. i think only you will know when the time is right to place him. again, beautiful stones. hugs

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

The stones are beautiful!! Mackenzie's marker still hasn't come in but now I'm wondering if the finality of it will cause me to lose it. Probably. I'm sorry Nicholas is not with you. He was so handsome :)

xo
Ashley

Cheryl said...

Hello,

Every step we take as parents of a child who has died is difficult. I still cry when I go to the cemetary and see Caleb's stone (It has been up for about 10 months). I never thought that I would see his name on a stone. It does get easier at times, but we loved so much so we also suffer.

I love the stones to honor Nicholas. His life did matter and he will, of course, be remembered.

With hope and love,
Cheryl

Amy said...

So beautiful - he is very loved.

Lindsay said...

Those stones are beautiful. Perfect for a beautiful boy...
Your young son who made the angel wings, is so sweet.

Rikki said...

So beautiful and perfect xxx

Barbara said...

So beautiful.

I don't blame you for wanting to keep him close.

xxx

Bluebird said...

How beautiful. And what a perfect spot for his stones. ((Hugs))

Mrs. A said...

So Very Beautiful!

Just Breathe said...

Love the stones. When you feel ready you can put him there but for now I think he likes being next to his mommy.

Emalee said...

i think its wonderful~

JenJen said...

Nicholas's headstone is beautiful and I completely understand how you may not be ready to go the next step and put him in the ground~ I'm guessing that Lily's urn will always be in my room because I don't think I can part with her...even, if its only her ashes that are left...

Lesley said...

The stones are beautiful Lea!

And, it is NOT stupid! I wish I had Cameron's ashes next to my bed, instead of in the ground. I can only imagine how comforting it would be to have him near you.

Mary said...

The stones are gorgeous. You are entitled to do what you wish when you wish with Nicholas' ashes. You will know when you are ready. And if that is never than never it is.

Hope's Mama said...

Very beautiful Lea. Although so very wrong as well. Baby and headstone should never go in the same setence. I hate we have to do these things for our babies, but in the end, there isn't much else we can do for them.
Much love to you.
xo

Carly K. said...

Very beautiful Lea. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

kcpuppylover said...

I love it! Its perfect

Kristy said...

Its beautiful and perfect. What a beautiful tribute to your son.

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