Friday, March 19, 2010

Reflection and some photos....

Why was yesterday a tough day? I don't know. Maybe it was because I was missing my little boy. The one who would almost be 17 months old. The one who would be running around the driveway, in the mud, getting filthy with his brothers. The one who would be trying desperately to keep up with all of the other kids. The one who's smile would melt mommy's heart over and over again.

After spending most of the week (March Break for the kids) in the beautiful, warm sunshine on the driveway playing, I have been forced, once again, to reflect on what could have been... what should have been. Our Nicholas, playing like all of the other 1 1/2 year olds. As I watch them toddle around, exploring everything in sight, I can't help but wonder.... Wonder what our boy would be up to. Would he have walked early, like his brothers? Or would he be happy enough relaxing in his stroller? On one hand, I feel very protective of those children who are close to Nicholas' "age"... and on the other, it stings.

And once again, my heart is torn.

Happy and full, but so torn and bruised.

We had my beautiful girlfriend come by and take some more pictures... family, but, of course, Miss Madison was the star of the show.

Enjoy.

xx














16 comments:

Bree said...

Thinking of Nicholas today. I love how you use his collage in photos. I need to figure out how to appropriately print mine out. I tried on snapfish and things go cut off. xoxo

With Out My Punkin said...

beautiful family who takes beautiful pictures!!! I love how Nicholas is in them too! ((HUGS))

Jennifer Ross said...

Those pictures are so beautiful Lea!

"Happy and full, but so torn and bruised."...perfectly put.

Andrea said...

That is what LOVE looks like :) And, I love how your honored sweet Nicholas. He will remain with you always.

xo

Emalee said...

I love them!! Your family is just beautiful!!

Lesley said...

I don't think we will ever be able to NOT think about what could have or should have been..people say "just don't think about it" how??? thinking of you and your sweet babies today!!

alliecat said...

Just beautiful, you are all so photogenic! The one of M asleep, just magic. xxx

Hope's Mama said...

I just wanted to say, and I hope you don't mind, that fourth photo looks SO much like Nicholas. Striking resemblence.
xo

croleyc69 said...

So very beautiful , thinking of you always !!
Caroline

Shanti Mama said...

Beautiful. I love how Nicholas is in the pictures with the family, that warmed my heart.

Cristin said...

I am thinking of you my friend, and how you balance the joy and the sorrow. Your strength is an inspiration. How you adore little Miss Sunshine while still loving Nicholas.

Carly said...

Lea,

Your pictures are beautiful. What an amazing family! The balance is so tough, I struggle with it every day. Thinking of your Nicholas, Missing my Will, Sending Lots of Love, Carly

Debbie said...

Star, indeed! <3 I think your entire family is absolutely beautiful.

I echo Carly, completely. The balance truly is tough. Sometimes the ache becomes completely overwhelming (and those are the times when I step back from the blogs...).

Thinking of you.

Fiona said...

Your photos and family are so beautiful.

I met a lady at the doctors office a week ago with a baby girl who would be the age Bailey would have been if he was born full-term. She was beautiful, and made me miss Bailey so much (her older child is a Bailey too). She told me she had whooping cough early in her pregnancy with her daughter, and I had whooping cough early when pregnant with Bailey. I think that's what we do, we imagine our beautiful babies growing up and what could have been.

xxx

Holly said...

Oh my gosh, these photos are absolutely fabulous!!!!

Jesse, James and Lindsey's mom said...

WOnderful photos! I wanted to check in and tell you that I appreciate your blog and wonderful posts!
Kathy in Ak
mom to 4 one in Heaven since 1/6/6

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