My Grandma...

I went to see my Grandma yesterday. She is old. She is sick. She is just plain tired. She has had her up days and down days for a while now, but with Madison's arrival, me not being able to leave her for too long and not wanting to take her to a 'germy' nursing home, I have put off seeing my incredible Grandma. So yesterday, my husband offered to drive me the 1 1/2 hours to see her. I think he knew I needed it more than I did.

Grandma is so tired. She slept so soundly the entire time I was there. I just ran my fingers through her hair, touched her incredibly soft, perfect skin and talked to her as if she was wide awake. I talked to her about her new baby great-granddaughter. I talked to her about how amazing she is and what a blessing she is in our lives. I talked about the boys and asked her to give Nicholas a huge squeezy hug for us when she could. I talked to her about all of the things I love about her. I thanked her for bringing up such an amazing and strong son, my Dad. I thanked her for the countless meals we shared together as I grew up. I thanked her for being my inspiration in the kitchen. She is a sweet soul. Gentle and kind and she has loved us all so very much.

It's her time. As strong as she is, I don't want her to fight anymore. I find it really amazing how our views change so drastically once faced with such tragedy. Before losing Nicholas I think I would be beside myself right now. Worrying about Grandma's death. Worrying about how to deal with such a loss. Since losing Nicholas, I know that there will never be a greater loss than that of losing a child and while I am sad that Grandma's time with us on earth is coming to an end, I feel at peace with it. I feel like she is at peace with it. She is 90 years old. She has had a full, rich, beautifully graceful life and we are lucky to have her wisdom and love shine in all of us.

This picture was taken last Thanksgiving. More upbeat days.


Love you, Grandma. xx