Friday, June 25, 2010

Our Summer

Some of you may remember from last summer that the boys (and now girl) and I head up North to our family cottage for the majority of the summer. Well, it's that time again. We plan to head up next week sometime and make some more wonderful memories.

I am definitely in a different place than where I was this time last year. I feel a lot more like myself (albeit a changed self), I feel clearer and more settled. For the most part, I finally feel at peace. I still have crappy days. I still have moments where I ache for my little boy. But, I feel like I have more moments where I remember him, smile and know that I am a better person for having him in my life.

The flashbacks are still there. When I least expect them and they are terrifying... heart-wrenching... and cruel. It's like a thick fog invading my head and a vice gripping at my heart. The worst part is that I can't control them. They are unpredictable and almost impossible to hide. So I just deal as best I can and "snap" out of it when I can.

I was at the post the other day mailing some Angel Wings to the States, England, Spain.... I didn't have enough postage on one of the packages so the clerk started adding some loose 10 cent stamps. Any idea what the last penny stamp was? Yes, a ladybug...

Nicholas comes to "visit" often. I love it. I love him. I miss him. I know that he is okay.

So anyway, while at the cottage I don't have access to a computer or the internet (ahhhhh...), however, we will be back and forth to home and I will be checking in.

Love to you all.

Lea xx

9 comments:

Barbara said...

Have a wonderful break with your lovely family.

(I know those flashbacks too well)

xxx

JenJen said...

Have a great time at the cabin and I hope Nicholas visits you often while you're there xxxx

Carly said...

Have a great time at your cottage Lea!

Andrea said...

We will always miss our little loves...long for them and carry them in our hearts. I only wish the flashbacks didn't hurt sometimes.

And, I love it when I see signs from my little boy...I call him my firefly and see "signs" from him every night when I am watering in my garden :)

HUGS and enjoy your holiday

Sarita Boyette said...

I hope you have a wonderful relaxing time with your family. I love the ladybug stamp story!

croleyc69 said...

Have a wonderful time. I get those moments too.

{{HUGS}}
Caroline

Mary said...

Have a wonderful trip. It is definitely something to look forward to.

k@lakly said...

I hope you have a fantastic time with your family. I hope you find ladybugs and that ladybigs find you, everywhere.
xxoo

Cristin said...

Lea I hope your summer at the cottage is wonderful and fills your soul with peace and smiles and lady bugs.

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