Saturday, December 26, 2009

Miss Madison's Arrival


So, I'm not exactly sure where to start....

I will start by saying that we are truly, truly blessed. My husband and I were talking last night, trying to balance the never-ending sense of loss with the powerful feelings of love and joy for our children. We are so very proud of all of them. They have all stolen our hearts and captured our souls.

We will forever miss Nicholas.

But we also welcome, with so much love, Madison to our family.

I am convinced that Miss Maddie decided to grace us with her presence early to help calm her mommy's nerves.

I am also convinced that Nicholas played a big part in bringing her to us safely.

She is one of the lucky one's. She had Angel Wings guiding her the entire way.

Madison Nichole Reeves - born December 17 at 12:58am, weighing 5lbs 13oz

It was a Wednesday. I had been out running some last minute errands for Christmas. I decided once I got home that I would take advantage of my husband being home for another hour before heading to work that I would lay down for 20 minutes. As soon as I did that the contractions started. To be honest, I didn't think much of it as I had been experiencing false labour contractions for the past 4 weeks or so, but once they started to become more frequent and consistent my husband and I decided that we should check it out. I still find it very funny that after 4 babies I questioned myself. I must say that it is very true when they say that each pregnancy and each labour are different in their own way. Anyway, I figured that the labour and delivery team would tell me that I was just being my neurotic self and send me home for another 4 weeks....

We got to the hospital about 1:30pm and I was immediately sent to triage to be monitored. Baby looked great. Contractions were in fact happening... and fast. I was dilating and all looked like we would be meeting our little girl that day. I was terrified. 36 weeks. Was it too soon? Would she be okay? Were we going to have 2 Angels in Heaven? The doctors and nurses assured us that 36 weeks was a good gestation and that everything was going to be okay.

My blood pressure was high.... hmmm, I wonder why. The nurses continued to monitor it. When the OB came in to check on me she asked me if there was anything I was anxious about (besides the obvious - being in labour and in pain). Well, that's when the damn broke. The tears flowed. The sobs filled the room. All along I could feel my chest tightening and all along I was fighting it.. telling myself to relax. I opened up to the doctor about Nicholas and our horrendous ordeal only a year ago. She was amazing, as was the nurse, as was my incredibly brave and strong husband. It was the release I needed. Immediately following, my blood pressure calmed right down and labour started to progress.... I am in awe of the human body. The human spirit.

I was then admitted and got settled into a birthing room. I managed the contractions for about 8 hours (knowing that it was most likely the last time I would be going through child birth, I wanted to "experience" it as long as possible).
I got the epidural about 7:30pm. My mom came to be with us about 9 and our beautiful "Little Miss Sunshine" was born at 12:58am, Thursday, December 17th. It was incredibly emotional, incredibly peaceful, incredibly incredible. I only pushed about 4 times and out she came... beautiful, screaming and alive.

I have to admit that when the doctor announced "meet your gorgeous daughter", I half expected her to say son... I made my husband check twice for girly bits!

Madison was placed on my chest as soon as she was born and stayed there most of the night. In the early morning we decided it was best she go to the Special Care Nursery to check on her breathing... she had quite a bit of mucous that needed to be suctioned out. She was placed on CPAP for about 12 hours with minimal pressure and given a course of antibiotic to rule out infection. The hardest part about that was not having her in our room, beside us. The flashbacks were present. Back to the night we said goodbye to our precious boy. He wasn't with us either. He was taken to the "quiet room". He was not where he belonged.

Special Care was the best place for Maddie. She responded well to the extra oxygen and the antibiotics and was out and back in our room Friday evening. We came home Saturday afternoon.

One more note; we had a super fantastic nurse who was sent especially to us for Madison's birth. When she started her shift at 7:30pm she came in to introduce herself and quickly told me that she too has her very own Angel. Her little boy was born at 22 weeks just over a year ago and she was sure that she was our nurse for a reason. Well, that proved to be very true. We had an instant connection. An instant bond that only two grieving mothers can. She held my hand the entire time. She cried with me, she pushed with me, she supported me in a way I would never have expected. I asked her how she is able to work in labour and delivery after what she has experienced. She responded "women like you give me hope"... I amazed at her strength, her beauty and her determination. I already have a pair of Angel Wings made for her. Madison surely had two Angels guiding her safely to us that night.

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39 comments:

Jennifer Ross said...

What a pretty little girl:) I got teary eyed at the end of your post. I'm so glad that everything went well and is well.

Mackenzie's Mommy said...

She's so beautiful!!! Congrats! What a beautiful gift that another baby loss mom was your nurse. We all have such an amazing connection and I'm sure she was immeasurably comforting. Glad your little girl was home for Christmas! Also I love how her middle name includes Nicholas :) Nichole is my middle name too.
xo
Ashley

Ter said...

I'm so glad you had your rainbow.... <3

Rach said...

How wonderful! And yes, our bodies and minds are amazingly powerful things. xxx

margaret said...

What a wonderful birth story Lea. My first daughter was born at thirty six weeks and I was terrified for her. I kept thinking that something would happen. I had my own axiety for you about Madison, not that I thought anything would go wrong, but because I so badly wanted everything to go right for you. I'm so glad your girl came early and got to spend her first Christmas at home with your family. What a beautiful and special Christmas gift. As for your nurse, what a Godsend, when you say Nicholas was on hand guiding Maddie's birth, that your nurse was a babylost mama too just makes me believe even more. So glad you're doing well, you deserve every ounce of happiness. Hugs

Bree said...

Huge sniffly sobbing tears. Tears of joy, tears for Nicholas, tears for your angel nurse. There are too many of us out there. I'm so happy Maddie is here safe and sound. Congratulations, Mama!

Fiona said...

Madison is beautiful. I'm so happy for you and your family.

Jen said...

she is gorgeous.. I am so glad everything (everyone) turned out well AND you were home for Christmas! what a sweet little miracle..BIG HUGS!!!

Sky said...

Congratulations on your little miss sunshine :-)
She was born on my baby girl Charlie's 1st Heavenly Birthday.

Emalee said...

That is so amazing thank you for sharing your sunshine with us.

Courtney said...

Oh Lea, she is so perfect! I am so happy for you and your entire family.

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

Lea, these are the most fantastic pictures of beautiful Madison and your family! I can't believe your tiny little girl is here! Many congratulations and God bless you.As always, I am remembering your Angel Boy with you - Sarita

croleyc69 said...

Congrats and she is so beautiful. Glad things went great. Beautiful pictures and what a great post. Take care & {{HUGS}}
Caroline

Seraphim said...

She is a beautiful baby and thank you for sharing your birth story. I cried throughout reading it. xxxx

April said...

YAY!! Congrats <3 <3

Beth said...

oh i'm in tears... what beautiful pictures and beautiful story.. the nurse is right, it is an inspiration. and i am amazed at the human body and spirit too.

Barbara said...

Aw, hugs and tears.

xxx

My Very Own Angel said...

I am so happy for you and your family. Praise God. she is beautiful

Lindsay said...

Congratulations Lea!
She is truly precious. I'm glad the journey is over and you can rest your mind. I'm so happy for you....xoxo

JenJen said...

AWWW, she is beautiful!

Emily said...

Yeah, we needed that good cry this morning! We love you guys, and rejoice with you. And I'm totally in love with Miss Maddie's middle name. Awesome. Congratulations, Leanna!

Andrea said...

Much love as you celebrate your Rainbow baby...your earth angels, while continuting to love your heavenly Angel.

Now, you can add both Miss Sunshine and Nicholas names to that sweet cradle :)

Hugs and Love

Jill said...

Lea, Madison is just beautiful. I love the pictures! It is amazing that you had that nurse. Nicholas must have sent her to you. I am sure she made the experience of bringing Maddie into this world so much more peaceful for you.

Just Breathe said...

She is so beautiful. Sweetest face and I love the hair. I am so happy with your Christmas blessing. Enjoy!

Fireflyforever said...

I am crying tears of joy and relief for you. Remembering sweet Nicholas and wishing you a beautiful babymoon with Madison.

alliecat said...

She's gorgeous! All that lovely hair too, just divine.

I am sure that nurse was sent to you, I'm so glad you had her. What a special experience for her too.

God Bless you all xxx

Bluebird said...

I can't stop crying! Ack! Oh my gosh!

Okay. Whew. What I *meant* to say was that the first photo made me grin from ear to ear. But then came your story and the rest of the photos and I momentarily lost my words :)

You give me hope, too, sweet friend. You and Miss Madison, both. ((Hugs)) to you all.

Allison (Ali) said...

and you made me cry :-) of course that's not hard to do.

congrats she is absolutely beautiful.

Inanna said...

Gorgeous girl... beautiful story. What a gift to be given, that amazing nurse, the release of your fear and then the birth of your daughter. Amazing. You are amazing. I am in awe.

Amy said...

she is beautiful. you are a lucky family.

Christy said...

She is so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I am in awe of your family for your strength and beauty!!!
xxoo

Missing Kasey said...

She is beautiful! I am so glad that she is in the cradel safe and sound! She looks so small in there. What a blessing to have such an angel of a nurse with you during your birth of Madison. You and Madison had many angles guiding you that night! Glad that she is here healthy! Congrats

Mrs. A said...

Oh Lea! She is incredibly beautiful and prefect! Congratulations!
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Debbie said...

This post makes me cry tears of incredible joy for you. <3

Happy Birthday, Little Miss Sunshine! (aka, Maddie)

Thinking of you, Lea.

Jess said...

What a great birth story! I am so amazed that you had that special nurse to help you through the birth experience, wow. That's so encouraging to read your story. Such sweet, precious pictures of Little Miss Sunshine, congratulations!

Holly said...

I am just so happy for you!!!

Never forgetting Gregory said...

Congratulations. I am so absolutely happy for you!

Tracey said...

She is just too precious!!!

And what a beautiful birth, I'm sure that lovely nurse was so incredibly grateful to be there for Madisons arrival. What a gift you've given her on her healing.

SOO SO very happy for the whole family....much love!

Kristy said...

Madison is beautiful and just perfect in every way. I teared up reading your post, and started crying when I read this, "beautiful, screaming and alive." I hope one day to be able to write something similar. What a wonderful story. xoxo

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