Saturday, December 26, 2009
So, I'm not exactly sure where to start....
I will start by saying that we are truly, truly blessed. My husband and I were talking last night, trying to balance the never-ending sense of loss with the powerful feelings of love and joy for our children. We are so very proud of all of them. They have all stolen our hearts and captured our souls.
We will forever miss Nicholas.
But we also welcome, with so much love, Madison to our family.
I am convinced that Miss Maddie decided to grace us with her presence early to help calm her mommy's nerves.
I am also convinced that Nicholas played a big part in bringing her to us safely.
She is one of the lucky one's. She had Angel Wings guiding her the entire way.
Madison Nichole Reeves - born December 17 at 12:58am, weighing 5lbs 13oz
It was a Wednesday. I had been out running some last minute errands for Christmas. I decided once I got home that I would take advantage of my husband being home for another hour before heading to work that I would lay down for 20 minutes. As soon as I did that the contractions started. To be honest, I didn't think much of it as I had been experiencing false labour contractions for the past 4 weeks or so, but once they started to become more frequent and consistent my husband and I decided that we should check it out. I still find it very funny that after 4 babies I questioned myself. I must say that it is very true when they say that each pregnancy and each labour are different in their own way. Anyway, I figured that the labour and delivery team would tell me that I was just being my neurotic self and send me home for another 4 weeks....
We got to the hospital about 1:30pm and I was immediately sent to triage to be monitored. Baby looked great. Contractions were in fact happening... and fast. I was dilating and all looked like we would be meeting our little girl that day. I was terrified. 36 weeks. Was it too soon? Would she be okay? Were we going to have 2 Angels in Heaven? The doctors and nurses assured us that 36 weeks was a good gestation and that everything was going to be okay.
My blood pressure was high.... hmmm, I wonder why. The nurses continued to monitor it. When the OB came in to check on me she asked me if there was anything I was anxious about (besides the obvious - being in labour and in pain). Well, that's when the damn broke. The tears flowed. The sobs filled the room. All along I could feel my chest tightening and all along I was fighting it.. telling myself to relax. I opened up to the doctor about Nicholas and our horrendous ordeal only a year ago. She was amazing, as was the nurse, as was my incredibly brave and strong husband. It was the release I needed. Immediately following, my blood pressure calmed right down and labour started to progress.... I am in awe of the human body. The human spirit.
I was then admitted and got settled into a birthing room. I managed the contractions for about 8 hours (knowing that it was most likely the last time I would be going through child birth, I wanted to "experience" it as long as possible).
I got the epidural about 7:30pm. My mom came to be with us about 9 and our beautiful "Little Miss Sunshine" was born at 12:58am, Thursday, December 17th. It was incredibly emotional, incredibly peaceful, incredibly incredible. I only pushed about 4 times and out she came... beautiful, screaming and alive.
I have to admit that when the doctor announced "meet your gorgeous daughter", I half expected her to say son... I made my husband check twice for girly bits!
Madison was placed on my chest as soon as she was born and stayed there most of the night. In the early morning we decided it was best she go to the Special Care Nursery to check on her breathing... she had quite a bit of mucous that needed to be suctioned out. She was placed on CPAP for about 12 hours with minimal pressure and given a course of antibiotic to rule out infection. The hardest part about that was not having her in our room, beside us. The flashbacks were present. Back to the night we said goodbye to our precious boy. He wasn't with us either. He was taken to the "quiet room". He was not where he belonged.
Special Care was the best place for Maddie. She responded well to the extra oxygen and the antibiotics and was out and back in our room Friday evening. We came home Saturday afternoon.
One more note; we had a super fantastic nurse who was sent especially to us for Madison's birth. When she started her shift at 7:30pm she came in to introduce herself and quickly told me that she too has her very own Angel. Her little boy was born at 22 weeks just over a year ago and she was sure that she was our nurse for a reason. Well, that proved to be very true. We had an instant connection. An instant bond that only two grieving mothers can. She held my hand the entire time. She cried with me, she pushed with me, she supported me in a way I would never have expected. I asked her how she is able to work in labour and delivery after what she has experienced. She responded "women like you give me hope"... I amazed at her strength, her beauty and her determination. I already have a pair of Angel Wings made for her. Madison surely had two Angels guiding her safely to us that night.
Posted by Lea at 5:38 PM