Under the Tree...

THANK YOU TO CARLY FOR GETTING THIS CONVERSATION STARTED.


How long have you been blogging for? Why did you start? What do you want from writing?

I just started blogging in January of this year. We lost our sweet baby boy, Nicholas at 35 weeks in November 2008 and in a desperate search for comfort, support, I came across many blogs of women who have experienced the same heartwrenching loss that I am experiencing. I suddenly didn't feel so alone. I have always had a passion for writing, capturing moments, etc. and so I decided that I would create my own special place in honour of Nicholas and our family.

Where is safest place for you to share your feelings? Is there anywhere you feel completely accepted just being however you are really feeling?

My husband has been the absolute biggest support for me. Although we are grieving in different ways, we respect each other and support each other. We are forever so intimately connected... he is the only one who travels on this journey with me, completely.

Can you recommend any books that you have read that have given you a new insight, hope or courage in this new life you find yourself in?

"Life Touches Life" by Lorraine Ash was recommended to me a couple of months ago and although I wasn't ready to read it then, I just finished it. This book is written by a mother of an angel. Her words are beautiful, honest and inspiring. It definitely has given me some hope that there is light.... it may be dim at times, but it's there.

How would you describe yourself before you lost your baby. How have you changed, who are you today?

I think, like so many, I was in the mindset that these things don't happen to us. I had two very healthy pregnancies and have two beautiful, strong boys. I had no idea that things could go so terribly wrong. I feel ashamed that I took such blessings for granted. I now have been forced to realize just how extremely precious life is... how incredibly lucky we are. I kiss my kids more, I tell them I love them more, I hold them closer than ever before.
This experience had changed me profoundly.... I am still learning who I am now. WHat I know for sure is that I am so proud to be Evan, Kyle and Nicholas' mommy.

How do you think you are coping? Do you see any light in this road or is it all dark right now? Where do you imagine yourself to be in a years time?

Like Carly said... I feel like I am just coping right now. There are times, days when I am a disaster and others that I feel like "I can do this". I know I must continue with the "routine" for my boys. They deserve that and I refuse to become a sad, miserable mommy. They are here and they need me. I take comfort in the fact that Nicholas would want me to be strong. We went through so much during our pregnancy... we are forever connected.
In the next year I hope to find hope... I would love to be able to become strong enough to help other mommy's in similar situations. I have to believe that we were chosen to travel this journey because we will be able to find peace....
We will also be trying to have another baby... We have so much more love to give.