Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Memorial

Hey Buddy,

Mommy needs a little inspiration and who better to ask than the one true inspiration in my life.

The Memorial at the hospital is tomorrow evening and I have been asked to speak. I look forward to sharing our story. I look forward to introducing you to everyone who attends. I look forward to being open, honest and raw. I also look forward to hopefully sharing some comfort, some hope, some guidance as others walk this incredibly tumultuous journey.

I want our message to be hope. love. inspiration. You have been nothing short of a strong guiding force in my life since we met you. I feel your soul beside me every single day and it gives me the strength and the courage to go on. I want others, no matter how far along in their grief, to believe that there is hope. That here is light and brighter days. I want others to know that it is okay to be sad.. to feel desperation and despair. That those feelings are part of the process and the process does get a little easier. A little less painful. Our pain shifts from sheer panic and darkness to a more even tone. Our physical and emotional ache for our babies will never go away, but it morphes into a lighter load to carry on our hearts. We learn to let the joy intertwine with the grief and we live.... We can learn to take our grief and use it in a tangible, inspiring way.. a way in which can enrich other lives. We learn to live with our children in our hearts, in our souls.. which isn't an easy thing to do... and, eventually, we learn to do it gracefully and respectfully all the while protecting their memory and honouring their lives.

Hmmm... I just let my fingers type away...

My tummy is in knots, Nicholas, but I am so incredibly proud to honour you in this way.

Love you... Mommy xo

9 comments:

seths mommy said...

Oh Leanna I know without a doubt that you are going to do great tomorrow night and that Nicholas will be right beside you the whole time. I wish that I could be there too to support you but please know that i will be there with my thoughts hugs to you and your very lucky very special boy xxxx

Brysons Momma said...

Leanna you are truly an amazing and inspirational woman. Look what you have done for sooo many grieving parents...Nicholas is so proud of you and he is smiling down at you I have no doubt about it. You will do phenominal tomorrow night and Nicholas will definately be standing proudly beside you. xoxo

JoyAndSorrow said...

You inspire women every day, truly. So happy you are given an opportunity to speak and share your story. Nicholas is so incredibly proud of his mama!

Anonymous said...

I work with a woman who told me a sad story the other day. She told me she attended a funeral for a baby and she couldn't get it off her mind. It's her friend's daughter and it was her first pregnancy. Something went wrong a few days before her due date and the baby was born sleeping. My heart broke for the mother, I just can't even comprehend it. However, I instantly thought of you - I feel like you will be able to help her. I'm sure she will feel comfort in knowing that someone else out there knows what she's going though and can maybe even offer her a little hope. I'm sure she's still in shock, but when she's ready I hope she contacts you. Your words are inspiring and true. Your dedication and admiration for your beautiful babies is absolutely astounding. You are a wonderful momma.

Lea said...

I thank you all so much for your kind words....every bit of support and inspiration helps so much.

Anonymous ~ I too hope I can help.... please let me know if I can reach out in any way... I don't know who you are.

xo Lots of Love

lost--for--words said...

Oh Lea, what you just wrote was perfect!! You described it all just beautifully, and I know that you will forever touch the lives of those who hear you speak. Nicholas must be so proud of you for reaching out and inspiring others who might be struggling. All my love to you!

Caroline said...

Lea , I know you will do wonderful. What a great way to honor Nicholas. I will be thinking of you. I'm sure Nicholas will be smilin lookin down on you.
{{{HUGS}}}

Sarita Boyette said...

Lea, I know you are so proud to be sharing Nicholas with others. Through his amazing legacy, I know you will touch many hearts. This is a journey none of us wanted to go on, but you have stepped up and turned your hurt into something positive for others who hurt. xoxo

Caroline said...

The hospital couldn't have chosen a more inspirational speaker & I am so grateful that I will be able to have the privilage of being there. I know how proud you make Nicholas everyday & I know he'll be with there with us tonight giving you strength.

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