Monday, March 21, 2011

Venting...

There is such a fine line between genuinely caring what others think of you and not caring at all. I have always been so conscious of doing right by others. I don't like to let anyone down. I like to give my all.

Since losing Nicholas I must admit that some of these sentiments have changed. I'm not afraid to cut someone from my life to protect my heart and that of my family. I'm more apt to ignore certain people once my feelings are hurt. I'm definitely not as willing to compromise where disrespectful behaviour is concerned. If you burn me once, you're not worth my time or my sincerity. Seems so harsh, but true.

The love and friendship I have in my heart is precious to me. I think I have a lot to give, but I feel one must earn it, one must appreciate it.

So, this all leads to the question..."why does it hurt so much when a so called friend/family member seemingly intentionally does something/says something so hurtful?" I know I should just blow it off. Not let the trivial things upset me... but, dammit, it hurts!

My heart feels so vulnerable....

11 comments:

lost--for--words said...

Yes Lea.. I know all too well how this feels. My friendships have changed too in the last two years. Even relationships with my own family have changed. My tolerance and views have changed too. Gosh, everything has changed. I am so sorry that you are hurting, it's terrible when those who are close to us say/do things that are so hurtful. I have a very hard time getting past those hurtful things. Sending lots of love and understanding your way (((hug)))

Michele said...

This sounds like me the last few days... I'm sorry you are hurting.

Andrea said...

Oh Leah,

I can only say Ditto to the first paragraph. I find it very easy now to rid my life of those who offer no value. Like you, my heart was always open to others and I would walk through fire to never hurt anyone.

I've found people to be incredibly self indulgent and have little regard for how their actions affect ofthers. And I no longer have time for that.

Praying that your heart is soothed by those who love and care for you. As for the rest, do as a therapist once said "take out the trash".

xxx

Elainna said...

Most of us BLM's have relationship that change or end. It is so sad. When we need the most support and love from the people in our lives we get insensitivity and complete thoughtlessness. Lea, it hurts so much because they are our children. You have a beautiful heart, sorry you are hurting.

Hope's Mama said...

I completely understand.
xo

New Year Mum said...

It's OK to be vulnerable and one of the special things about being a mum... esp a BLM. Vulnerability brings with it compassion and greater empathy for others... but also for ourselves - we have to look after our heart to help heal and find greater peace. So hurtful when others don't understand that. Thinking of you xoxo

Shandrea said...

It's always those that are closest too us that have the ability to hurt us the most because we actually care and love them. If we didn't it wouldn't matter what they did b/c we wouldn't expect anything from someone we really don't think about, but when you care and love someone they matter to you , are important to you and we often hold them to somewhat higher standards then we may hold others. and because we feel that they love us like we love them we don't expect them to do anything that would hurt us. I am so sorry that you are hurting, and that someone close and dear has caused this pain. Sending you lots of love and hugs.

Carly said...

Thinking of you Lea. I have changed so much since losing Will, especially in the ways that you mentioned. Yes, they are probably in order to protect our hearts, but it does still hurt. I'm so sorry about this situation. Sending you hugs.

Anonymous said...

This is very deep...but I feel it might help you:

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/attachments-emptying-the-vessel/

"These objects of worship are things to which we become attached. But an object of attachment is not just something that we love. It is something that we need, in the deepest sense of the word. It is something that if lost, causes absolute devastation. If there is anything—or anyone—other than God, that we could never give up, then we have a false attachment. "

Malory said...

I am very much like that as well. I have lost half of my family since Janessa died & my best friend.

Holly said...

I feel the same as you. Things changed after Carleigh but darn it, it still hurts when someone does something hurtful or says something hurtful.

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