Happy Holiday

As much as I really wanted to send every one of you a Christmas card this year, it became an impossible task.

So, instead, I am hoping you stop by and read my Christmas wish for you:

In the silver hush
of a starry winter's night..
in the song of the wind
in the evergreens...
in the gentle grace
of snowflakes as they fall ~
the whispered promise
of God's heavenly peace.

May the peace and love of the first Christmas
be yours today and always.

May you feel your Angel's close by this holiday season.

Love,
Lea

Your Sister's "Happy 1!"

We celebrated Madison's First Birthday on Saturday (or as her oldest brother used to say, her "Happy 1!")

Mommy's attempt at a Birthday cake!



She was her usual, beautiful, Little Miss Sunshine self... dressed in her party dress.


She loved her balloons!


More interested in the tissue paper!


Mommy and Maddie


Mmmmm...my cake!



Madison's first "tu-tu".... "tu" cute!


For Maddie's very own Guardian Angel, brother, Nicholas .... xx

Overwhelming

Wow.

Just, wow.

The response I have received with regards to making this space private continues to be overwhelming. I am honoured and humbled by the fact that Nicholas' precious, little life has touched so many. That by sharing our stories of heartache as well as our blessings of hope we have comforted some of the hearts of other grieving families.

It is what makes this unbearable journey of missing our son, a little more bearable. A little more peaceful. It makes the burden of grief a little lighter...

I am going to "re-think" making Nicholas' Touch private. There are a few reasons I had chosen to go this route, however, I am feeling more and more that the opportunity to reach out and help others who are experiencing the death of a child trumps any other reasons I may have... one of which is the need to protect my heart. The desire to protect my family from disrespect and judgement. But, you know what... we can handle it. We can pretty much handle anything after the things we have been through. If Nicholas' Touch can offer some support to others while helping me heal... that is the way I want it.

Nicholas' Touch is raw and honest. I speak from my heart and I am proud of it. I am proud of Nicholas. I document my feelings on this journey because I don't want to forget.

I use this space to honour our son. To allow his legacy to soar. To share our story in hopes of making someone else' a little easier to bare. To maybe help someone else realize that they are not alone. That their feelings of despair, anger, hatred, love, gratitude, horror, jealousy, anticipation..... that they are all real and all very natural in the process of healing. That there is some hope. That there is a glimmer of light at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Thank you all so much for your interest and for your support. Thank you for reminding me why I am thankful to have you all in my life....and why this platform is so important for reaching out to "our" community.

Oh, and stay tuned.

Love,
Lea

Beaten, But Not Beat

I've been meaning to post for a while now. There are so many words, feelings, non-feelings, flying around in my head it's difficult to get it together enough to write anything worth while.

I just wanted to let you all know that I am okay... I think.

Since our latest loss I have been moving on auto pilot. Sheltered by shock. Consumed with grief. Busy beyond words....

I am thankful for "busy". Busy planning birthday parties. Busy planning Christmas. Busy enjoying the kids excitement. Busy trying to convince myself that I am 'okay' when my heart is constantly telling me that I am simply not 'okay'.

Since losing our "Blossom" I have been overwhelmed with thoughts of Nicholas. Not that I don't think of him often. I think of him all the time. I think of him when I look into our oldest son's eyes... they would be so alike. I often think of him and smile.. with peace and a subtle understanding that only he and I share.

This is different. Since our latest loss, I feel like the raw pain has returned to some degree. The ache of desperately wanting to feel the weight of his tiny, little body in my arms again has surfaced and the tears of grief fill my eyes.

When I returned home from the hospital two weeks ago. After the D&C, I was pretty high on morphine. That night was terrible. I fell asleep in my husband's arms and woke up terrified every half hour.... sweating... screaming. The only thing that came out of my mouth was "they took our baby"... "they took our baby"... Although very different, the feelings were similar. Although there was nothing to hold.. there are memories. There will always be memories. Plans. Love.

We've been beat down... again, but we won't be beaten.

We've been shaken to the core... again, but we will steady ourselves.

Our strength is being tested... again, but we will be strong.

Love and peace to you all and thank you to all who have shown interest in continuing on our journey.

Lea xx

Private

I have decided to make Nicholas' Touch private. If you are interested in following our journey, please send me an email and I will add you to my permissions.

lcreeves3@hotmail.com

Thank you,
Lea

Perfect

A good friend of the family's brother passed away a couple of days ago. He was very sick and faced an extremely brave battle with cancer. My heart is with them.

His sister had this quote posted on her facebook page. It actually took my breath away. Beautifully poetic. Perfect.

"When great souls die, our reality, bound to them, takes leave of us. Our minds formed and informed by their radiance, fall away.....And when great souls die, after a period, peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly. Our senses, restored, never to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. We can be. Be and be better. For they existed".

Maya Angelou

Winners!

Thank you to all who participated in my giveaway. I had my husband choose a number between 1 - 19 (19 comments) this morning and I am happy to announce that the winner is....

HOLLY!

Holly, I think I have your address correct, but could you send me a quick email to confirm? I will begin working on Carleigh's ornament now! Congratulations!

I also noticed some unfamiliar names in the comments. Thank you for taking the time to stop by. If you haven't yet received Angel Wings from me and would like a pair for your Angel, please message me. The first two names that appear in my inbox will get some....

lcreeves3@hotmail.com

Thank you and love to you all,
Lea

25 Days of Giveaways!

Today is the second day of 25 Days Of Giveaways, and I'm honoured to be taking part.

Thank you to Tina for taking the time to put this together!

My give away is going to be somewhat of a surprise. It will be an ornament. For your tree, for your Holiday Decor or just to be hung in a special spot in memory of your Angel. I'd like to customize the ornament for the winner.

This give away is open to all babyloss parents, all around the world. Please say hello in the comments, let me know your Angel's name and things you associate with him/her and I will handcraft a little something for you.

Wishing you all a peaceful and comforting Holiday Season...

Love,
Lea