On Our Way...

All packed up and ready to go...even sweet Nicholas... how very wrong it is to have to "pack" your son's ashes for a vacation..... sigh. We will all be together.

Talk soon.

Our Summer

Some of you may remember from last summer that the boys (and now girl) and I head up North to our family cottage for the majority of the summer. Well, it's that time again. We plan to head up next week sometime and make some more wonderful memories.

I am definitely in a different place than where I was this time last year. I feel a lot more like myself (albeit a changed self), I feel clearer and more settled. For the most part, I finally feel at peace. I still have crappy days. I still have moments where I ache for my little boy. But, I feel like I have more moments where I remember him, smile and know that I am a better person for having him in my life.

The flashbacks are still there. When I least expect them and they are terrifying... heart-wrenching... and cruel. It's like a thick fog invading my head and a vice gripping at my heart. The worst part is that I can't control them. They are unpredictable and almost impossible to hide. So I just deal as best I can and "snap" out of it when I can.

I was at the post the other day mailing some Angel Wings to the States, England, Spain.... I didn't have enough postage on one of the packages so the clerk started adding some loose 10 cent stamps. Any idea what the last penny stamp was? Yes, a ladybug...

Nicholas comes to "visit" often. I love it. I love him. I miss him. I know that he is okay.

So anyway, while at the cottage I don't have access to a computer or the internet (ahhhhh...), however, we will be back and forth to home and I will be checking in.

Love to you all.

Lea xx

Face

Kyle had his end of year BBQ for Nursery School today. One of the mom's was doing some face painting. You can see what Kyle decided to have put on his face.... not spider-man like the rest of his friends.

Need I say more? I love this kid.

Your Garden

Your Garden

Nicholas,

When we say we love your garden
and we are pleased with how it's grown
please know that we miss you,
and wish to have you home.

Our dream is that your garden
didn't have to exist,
we should be watching you grow,
and healing boo boo's with a kiss.

Instead...
we choose each rock with care
and plant each bloom with love,
we want your space to be perfect,
as you watch from up above.

It's one small thing we do for you
and we remember all the while...
we hope you like your special spot,
I can almost see your smile.

Love you, baby boy
Mommy ~ June 2010

I Love You, Daddy

Happy (Belated) Father's Day ~ to the man I love ~ to a beautiful, strong daddy.

Daddy's Love

Your daddy loves you oh so much
I see it in his eyes.
Every time we speak of you,
He looks up to the sky.

We talk about you often
And wonder what you’d be
If you were down here with us,
With your family.

Daddy is so strong,
His strength surrounds us all.
We lean on him for comfort,
He doesn’t let us fall.

But daddy hurts so deeply,
He misses you so much.
He feels blessed to have known you
And to have felt your touch.

He’s proud to be your daddy
And to have held your hand in his.
He kissed and held you close that day
Forever you’ll be missed.

We love you buddy… xo xo
Mommy (Leanna) – March 2009

Little Miss Spider Girl!

Daddy decided that Maddie should put on the boys hat....boy, does she makes me laugh!

A Prayer Please, Nicholas

Dear Nicholas,

We need you, buddy.

Some friends of ours had a beautiful baby boy today. He has two older sisters and a mommy and daddy that love him so much. The doctors are fairly certain that he has downs syndrome and are currently running a battery of tests to determine the intensity.

Nicholas, my sweet boy, I know you have some pull up there. This little boy is deeply loved and has a family and friends who will support them no matter what, but, please say a prayer for him. Please let the doctors be wrong...

Sending this family strength and love and comfort in the journey ahead.....xx

A Ladybug Close to her Heart

My parents went to Florida a couple of months ago, and as always, came home with many goodies for the kids. The most special gift was this



a beautiful ladybug necklace for Miss Maddie.... so her brother can be near her heart always.

I am so incredibly touched that Nicholas' Nana and Papa love him so much... that they think of him... that he is a part of them too.

Nicholas' Name Plate

In a much previous post I talked about the stunning cradle my brother made us when we were expecting our first baby. I talked about how we have gold plates on it for each child that has blessed our family and has slept in it. When we went to order Madison's, I ordered one for Nicholas too. Although our baby boy didn't have a chance to sleep in it, he deserves to be remembered with his brothers, sister and cousins.

xx

Little Miss Madison

Totally our "Little Miss Sunshine"....



"Little Miss Attitude"
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"Little Miss Crazy Hair"


"Little Miss Jumper"